I blame myself

I guess things are getting out of hand. Everything in my life is in a mess now. I’m feeling very moody nowadays.. I don’t show it out at all.

Sometimes I really blame myself for graduating school so early. It’s like, I feel very lonely now. I can’t get along well with my peers as compared to how well I can get along with my juniors but you certainly don’t expect me to be back in school 24-7 right. The only companions I have are my home and my workplace.. I really feel very lonely. I have means of contacts with my friends too. But not all of them are free 24-7. Sighs.

Even if it’s like I talk to him on the phone almost like everyday except for nights when I'm working but I still feel his absence in my heart.. We live very close to each other.. But in heart we're far away. And it’s like we're only communicating through phone.. Not even like meet up and stuff like that.. Why?

I go to work feeling really stressful cos I don’t have many hours per week. I still have to pay for my school fees ya know. What can I say? BIASED is the word. I hate my managers for being BIASED! I mean.. Real biased! Just cos they get free labour from one of my colleagues means they have to give her most of the working time HUH? It's like her free labour is NOT even like free labour. I hate it! There’re jobs available but I also have to think about my transport fees.. I mean.. The job available is in Bugis.. So far!

So many things in my life! And I can only pour out everything here.. Some more the feelings in me can’t be put into words you know. I’m still so young.. Barely even 17. Recently I heard from my oldest brother he paid for his own school fees when he was in poly too. BUT, he was 21 at that time! For goodness sake! He was an adult at that time already! Sighs. The most fortunate one is my older sister. She just have to enroll into a school and have her fees paid by my mother. She’s too dependent on my mother. She’ll just sit around and wait for money only. This is not because of bias. This is because my mother felt she owed it to her.. Bullshit! =(. Sighs.

Before I end, do add something in my Tagboard which is in my "going & going" section. talk about anything.. make me happy. =).