Poly life

I think poly's kinda great for me! well, I’ve made great friends! yesterday I was having some difficulties blending into the environment but soon I’m used to it already. thank god the peeps were friendly and they helped me with what I’ve missed out on Monday. really thank them, man..

and today, I've finally met my group people. they're a bunch of friendly and nice people and I’m really glad I fit in immediately. lol. hmm, me, Theresa, Kai Ling and Wenna made a "loo" for our mentor, William. he was so glad. lol. it was kinda messy but it’s nice, I should say. well, we putted in our efforts, ya.

I feel I kinda miss my secondary school class. I find many people resemble my ex-classmates. okay, I really miss everyone. one thing which I’m glad is, my current class is really like 4e5 =)

now for personal feelings.. I find I don’t understand myself anymore. I don’t understand my feelings at all. I didn’t think about him the whole day today.. until I leave the campus. I feel the feelings for him are fading.. bit by bit. but when Weili told me some stuff, a knife stabbed my knife. I felt the sharp pain in my heart. I was really hurt. if the feelings for him are slowing fading, why do I feel so hurt? I really don’t understand myself! I’m fighting with my own feelings now.. help me!

Zoom back

so it has been 31556489423154 days since I last update my blog huh. well, have been quite busy and that my comp was sent for repair. simply too lazy to update and have no internet access to do so. let me just write some short summaries to significant days which has past.

well, currently I’m in Malaysia and I’m lovin' it! lol. came here just to eat dumplings. stupid law they had putted up.. NO dumplings can be taken to or from Singapore. okay, so I came here just to eat my grandma's dumplings. it’s simply so damn nice.

the babies here are still as cute as ever. some really very friendly towards me while some shy themselves away from me. sad thing is, those really damn cute ones are so shy! I ended up having trouble just to get them to play with me and talk to me. but its worth it lah. patience's the word.

I got to hear this really sweet thing. one of them told me Shi Ning, the really very pretty 5 year old cousin of mine, kept asking Wen Ji whether she remembers me. and she simply ask her "eh, do you still remember shan shan jie jie?" every weekend without fail. that's really sweet!

okay. back to all recollections.

13th June 2oo4
concert day! well, it has finally arrived. sad to say, I feel that's the worst concert ever. =( I just felt everything's not right. and it wasn’t that well done. but I had fun =D well, I received a rose from Kai Lin, hersey chocos from Kwang Boon, merci chocos from Shu Mei and Peng and hersey chocos from Shu Qing. that's nice =D

19th & 20th June 2oo4
recording camp! ahha! damn happy cos I was on the phone with him for nearly 4 hours on saturday night. couldn’t felt any happier! the camp was nice cos its not formal and we're not restricted for too much things. haha. got compliments for my skater shirt. lol. people said I look great in it. of cos, its me =P

21st June 2oo4
went to Malaysia just to eat my grandma's dumplings. grandma POWER!

23rd June 2oo4
got my laptop and my comp is back from repair! damn.. the comp has gotten worst. even slower =//

24th June 2oo4
went to Escape! had a hella fun! well.. sad to say, I feel Escape aint as what I had expected.. it wasn’t as fun as I thought it is. but I had fun screaming my lungs out! I’m very happy cos he gave me an orange cap. it’s really nice and I really treasure it. I love him.. man.

I guess that’s all for my updates lar. guess my cousin is abit mad at me. he didn’t say it but I suspected it. cos vie been using the comp and doing my stuff. its a prepaid internet access. he paid it himself. feeling bad right now =//

It's all happening too fast

Many thoughts bottled up in my mind.. Now I wanna get it all out.

Okay, so I admit it. I was once very flirtatious. I don’t mean that I would suck up to any cute guys I see but what I meant was like even thought in the past, say I like A, I would still be unable to control my feelings when I see another cute B or C. but now, he has totally changed me.

I’m not saying I’m truly devoted to him lar. but what I mean is I will try not to think about other guys, or should I say my past major crushes and stuff. outside, I still try to know this guy and that guy but it’s just that I wanna get to know them as friends. it’s no harm.

now, he has his own confusion in his feelings. he just couldn’t make up his mind. I feel utterly disappointed. I don’t mean he should shun her out of his life totally, matters of the heart is very hard to reject.. once it comes, it just stay, be it a short period or time or what. I feel really hurt.

at times I feel I think too much.. but this is also because of what I see and hear. I couldn’t believe at first. I even tell myself not to believe it. but negative thoughts keep filling up my mind.. what can I do? I’m a very sensitive person.. I don’t really get my feelings out of such matters for fear of making things worse..

he did give me assurance answers when I asked if he still have feelings for me and kinda questions but I still don’t feel secured entirely. it’s like his words are true.. but his actions show a different thing.. what should I do?

maybe you might think I’m just like trying to control him, trying to throw all girls out of his life. NO, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I mean, it’s a normal reaction what. if you were me, I betcha you would have the same reaction as me. I just can’t sit around and do nothing, am I right? =//

now I just have to wait for him to come back to me completely.. if not, I think I would just have to give up. =// it’s true when they say "the best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain." guess that is what we have to go through to get a strong relationship..

I don’t really know what to say already. now I’m hoping for a miracle.. and I wish for the best.. I’ll let time heal everything. that is what I just have to do.. for now.