It's all happening too fast

Many thoughts bottled up in my mind.. Now I wanna get it all out.

Okay, so I admit it. I was once very flirtatious. I don’t mean that I would suck up to any cute guys I see but what I meant was like even thought in the past, say I like A, I would still be unable to control my feelings when I see another cute B or C. but now, he has totally changed me.

I’m not saying I’m truly devoted to him lar. but what I mean is I will try not to think about other guys, or should I say my past major crushes and stuff. outside, I still try to know this guy and that guy but it’s just that I wanna get to know them as friends. it’s no harm.

now, he has his own confusion in his feelings. he just couldn’t make up his mind. I feel utterly disappointed. I don’t mean he should shun her out of his life totally, matters of the heart is very hard to reject.. once it comes, it just stay, be it a short period or time or what. I feel really hurt.

at times I feel I think too much.. but this is also because of what I see and hear. I couldn’t believe at first. I even tell myself not to believe it. but negative thoughts keep filling up my mind.. what can I do? I’m a very sensitive person.. I don’t really get my feelings out of such matters for fear of making things worse..

he did give me assurance answers when I asked if he still have feelings for me and kinda questions but I still don’t feel secured entirely. it’s like his words are true.. but his actions show a different thing.. what should I do?

maybe you might think I’m just like trying to control him, trying to throw all girls out of his life. NO, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I mean, it’s a normal reaction what. if you were me, I betcha you would have the same reaction as me. I just can’t sit around and do nothing, am I right? =//

now I just have to wait for him to come back to me completely.. if not, I think I would just have to give up. =// it’s true when they say "the best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain." guess that is what we have to go through to get a strong relationship..

I don’t really know what to say already. now I’m hoping for a miracle.. and I wish for the best.. I’ll let time heal everything. that is what I just have to do.. for now.