Warning: Read If You Can Take It

i just gonna speak up for myself now.

firstly, i would like you (i suppose you should know im refering to you) to ask yourself what has really happened. you mentioned that i dislike you and you dislike me. but wait a minute, think about why the hatred even got into my heart. think real carefully.

if i didnt remember wrongly, it all started in semester 1 when i dont know what the hell have i done/or said to provoke you, my royal highness. and then i started feeling all so miserable cos you've been outcasting for like god-knows how long it has been. do you know how i feel? i supposed you know how sucky it felt right.

but the thing is, right now, i mean this instance, think about what happened a few days ago. think about monday. what did you do. what happened? she was so kind to teach you about PSP2 and there you go, getting all so moody and even spoke to her in an unreasonable voice. i believe you also wouldnt like it either.

i mean, picture this: you are being nice teaching your friend what they dont know and they spoke to you in an unreasonable tone. almost like you had offended them. will you feel pissed?

secondly, what has happened a few days back? yes, i admit i did say you werent trying hard. and yet i helped both of them with their work but not you. but think again, that day in the classroom, did you even open your golden mouth to ask? i can now say the answer is NO. she did ask me, so i helped. and then the other she came to look @ what i was doing because she also has the problem.

get the picture now? i know you might have thought that of all people i help, there wont be a place for you. you might have heard i sent my program to him. and that it was unfair. think back again. when you asked me for my program way long ago, did i send you? if memory had failed you, please look into your received file.

yes, it wasnt a complete program. but you asked for it so i sent you. did i ever ill-treated you? i dare to say no. when you asked me about the functions and all the SUPER basic stuff, i started to get abit pissed. do you know why?

think about the day all of us stayed in school to do. she wasnt feeling well, so she was resting on the table. both of us were trying hard. and you stopped trying cos you said you're stuck. if you want to know what's the meaning of the word "Trying" in my dictionary, try recalling how hard both me and her try.

get my meaning now?

besides that, i know you cherish both of them ALOT. but dont you think sometimes your actions are too much? i supposed you thought that since you are so close to them that they wouldnt mind your actions. im sad to say, you are wrong.

many times your actions sent us all pissed off. but we kept it in our heart. recall the day in orchard. you ran away like that. were you trying to advertise for the movie "Hide And Seek"? i supposed not. all of us know every bit of your character already. you need attention. you expected all of us would get panicked and then look for you. but you were wrong. we still enjoyed ourselves. we didnt say out for the sake of you thinking too much.

back to what happened on thursday. and think real carefully. why when you were crying, eyes all swollen and sitting alone in the class, none of us (or should i say them) approached you? reason being: they(we) cant take it anymore. we no longer have the mood to cater to your needs. if you think your some royal highness please stay out of Singapore cos there aint any castle for you to live in.

ive read your blog. i felt so hurt. cos in the first place, i had never hated you. you were the one who implanted hatred in me and yet you sounded like right from the start we hated each other.

all of us have character defects. but i think you have a serious attitude problem. what will all your actions lead you to? yeah, your words in your blog hurt me big time. i teared once again i dont know why im doing that cos right from semester 1 ive sworn not to cry for this childish matter anymore. but im just hurt cos you think your one big princess and needs us all to serve you.

i had thought right from the start perhaps all your childish actions are due to my presence. i believed you think im like "snatching" your friends. but please, do you think your still in primary school? still got the snatching and stuff? if you think so, im sorry to say i dont want to join you in your childish world. i didnt deliberately "snatch" them. now listen carefully, the reason to why sometimes we 3 rather be together is because we feel happier.

they felt no freedom with you around. we felt comfortable together. all of us were ourselves when we were together. with you around, we need to wear a different mask. we cant show our true selves. now do you see the problem?

none of us dared to approach you cos we know too well you would prolly have some depression. but think again, are the both of them really so important to you that you wont mind doing anything for them? eeks. that sounds like some pure lesbianism to me. and please, they have their own freedom okay. they're not yours.

if you think all three of you will become friends for life that now you treat them like gem, i can say your wrong. friends do last forever. but not close friends. one thing is, all of us live in different locations in singapore. the closeness among all of us, i believed, will only last the entired poly life. so please stop acting so childish.

and lastly, i wanna thank you for writting that entry. i teared. yea, for some silly childish people. but through that, i got to see my true friends. through that, i know i wasnt wrong. nobody blamed me. you were the only one who blamed me. i know from the start you are blaming me but nobody thinks so. this meant i know you better (omg, i dont want to know you better. not somebody who doesnt care about me).

i also got to see who really cared for me. @ least when im crying myself @ home, my msn was kinda flooded with people who send their regards to me. and you were crying miserable that day and no one seemed to care. see it? the problem is not in me (:

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feel so relieved now. thanks for all who cared about me yesterday night. i feel so much better writing it out now.

yea, and once again, if my entry affects anyone, im sorry for it. i mean, after all its my blog, i get to say what i feel inside. ive got to stand up for my rights, and others' rights :D