Band Fiesta

Yesterday was certainly the best day ever! It was band fiesta in the gardens and I’m proud to say I’m from Yuhua Concert Band. Well, they're fabulous and is the only band that shone my heart yesterday. Okay, I’m biased. But I must admit that the rest of the band doesn’t sound as astounding as my band.

I’m glad that we chose the right pieces to perform so as to make the crowd move and clap to the music. But we also included dance and some actions. Well, the spirit is there. I’m so proud of everything. And yea! We won the grooviest band award!

Met his friend and ate dinner with them. Gee, my contact dropped while we were on our way to Cineleisure. Thank god we were at Takashimaya and we went to Watson’s to purchase the cleaning solution. He’s so sweet.. Paid for my solution.

The bad thing came after that, my ex started to critize him and stuff. I didn’t know what to do and felt pissed. His attitude suck. We didn’t do anything. We didn’t provoke him, but those insulting sms do hurt me.. That’s so.. Whatever.

He’s just jealous. He’s just angry. That’s why he spurts out those insulting words. But why must he do that? He then told me he got backstabbed and stuff. I felt I’m the only person who can change him for the better.. But I can’t let ___ down. I’m starting to feel guilty.. Cos he has fallen for me. What should I do?

My feelings for my ex haven’t faded completely.. Memories do come back. I don’t wanna make the wrong decision, and of cos, I don’t wanna risk getting hurt by him again. But I’m just confused. I don’t wanna let both of them down, at the same time, I know I can’t two-time cos that really sucks. How I wish all these didn’t happen: my ex leaving me, me falling for him, and then getting caught in a situation which I never expected would happen.

Previously I was so keen into saying no when my ex wanted patch.. But now, I’m totally confused. What should I do? Its either I choose one of them, hurt the other; or hurt all of us and no one gets anything.. I really don’t know what to do..

Tears welled up as I read the email he sent to me. He feels for me deeply, but I’m simply just so confused. He’s too good to be true.. And I don’t wanna hurt him.. Somebody please take my life away..

Why is love so complicated? When I want things so badly, it just wouldn’t turn out the way I want it to be. But when I let things go, it just comes back to me just like a tornado; something I can’t force away. If only I don’t exist.. If only I don’t know "love".. What’s so nice about me?

Now I question myself.. And the taste of others.