Sweet understanding

a special shoutout to my dear: I love you loads!!!

He's seriously so sweet.. that day I sent the wrong sums to him cos the details inside were that he's not interested in my sister which is supposed to send to Carmen. I was kinda lucky he misplaced his hand phone in his house.. but till now, he still can’t find it!

I told him the details in the sms which I sent wrongly and thought he might get angry cos I told others about our problem. he did, but he said next time just be frank to him, and that we should solve our own problem instead of turning to others. how sweet can he be! I was so afraid of bring frank to him cos I’m afraid of losing him and now I don’t! not anymore! I love him so0ooo much!

he's getting cuter and sweeter than ever. heheEe.

so I guess there aint anymore things I wanna write cos my world simply revolves around him! =D

Back to normal

*giggles. I’m so glad.. really glad.

at last, things were finally back to normal. at first I was still losing some kinda hope and feeling really upset cos I had this terrible inside of me somehow telling me he might have lost all interest in me. despite all the facts I told him about my sis.

He used to mutter a "bye dear" and "love ya" kinda phrases when he wanted to sleep. And it has stopped since last Saturday or so. I was still hoping it would come back. I guess he was kinda trying to see how much I really love him. I’m glad I didn’t give up hope either. I’m just too happy for words. =D

he went to the extend being so interested in my sister and ignoring my "I miss yous" and "dear" on the phone. And I really so happy things did go back as normal yesterday. Just how glad I was.

Well, back to what happened yesterday. lol. Carmen, Celine, Hazel and I went to JP to eat and shop shop a little while. And we were at toy 'r' us when I popped the topic about my sister. I was saying how practically those guys in band who know her says she cute. And guess wad Carmen actually said. She said "seriously speaking lor, I think you're cuter than her." I didn’t expect such words to come from her mouth. Not say she what la. But that's so unlikely of her..

Ahhaa. And guess what he told me. His group of friends who has only seen my photo and comment that I’ve got a tomboyish face, said I look very chio in person. lol. I’m indeed flattered. chio is very much a strong word and "very" adds a stronger accent for the word. Eh-heh, so he does feel proud of me. lol =D hmm, I guess I’m so excited that things were back to normal and I practically almost forgot to write about what happened yesterday. Well, the band had a performance in PEPS to promote the band. They played a number of pieces and I recorded all of them. (= he actually wore the orange pair of shoes when I told him I really liked. lol. at first I thought it was just his normal pair of red and black shoes.

the kids were extremely cute over at PEPS. their enthusiasm as Leslie asked them questions. their cuteness and 'monkey see monkey do' style really made my day. just by seeing them so enthusiastic about everything makes me smile. throughout the whole performance, I was smiling. lol.

some of them danced to the music, some clapped to the music and some even stood to dance. cute! then there was this boy who kept looking at me and I looked back at him to "play" with him. lol. he was really cute. looking at me, then telling his friends around him that I’m looking at him and stuff. too cute.

worst still, there was this Indian girl who came up to me with her water bottle asking "can I go and drink water?" as the band was playing, I could hardly hear her cos her voice was timid, so I tried to read her lips. when I got her meaning I said "er, just go." inside my heart I was thinking, "do I look like your teacher?" and when she was back, she looked at me with fear. my gosh. have I scared the wits out of her? //= wouldn’t do that!

So much about yesterday. I’m gonna stop here now. *hugs and kisses for him* -po0f-

Problems

I don’t know but I think problems are arising? Am I thinking too much?

Somehow I feel his attitude towards me has changed. It’s like, we used to enjoy hours of non-stop chit-chatting though it’s always me who's talking but nowadays we only talk on the phone for 5 minutes and that it. This has started since last Thursday. Well, I can’t blame it on Thursday and Friday nights cos I’m working. I knew everything hasn’t changed yet cos on Friday, he still desperately called me twice though he know I’m working.

Can I say it all started on Saturday? Can I blame it on band? I don’t know. I remember way back when I was having alumni, he called me twice; the last time saying he miss me too much and he can’t stand it. But on Saturday he didn’t call me. He was out. But when he was back home, he called me but for a while. He claimed he was tired and wanted to sleep. So I let him. However, one hour later he messaged me.

Then yesterday, he didn’t even bother to call me at all. In the afternoon he did, but for about 2 minutes each time. I’m devastated. At night, I guess he was tired, but usually he would at least call me. He didn’t. So I called him. I wished I could meet up with him cos I know the rest of the week would be band for him and on Sunday he can’t go out. But he said he wanted to sectional today, so I let it be.

He seemed to changed. Or perhaps I think too much. I hope it’s me who think too much. Hidayah asked me to replace her tonight, I figured I don’t want. I wanna see if he'd chat with me for hours like before..

I guess every relationship have their own problems.

I’ve been watching alot of sweet stuff on tv and wishing it was me and him. I’ve also been reading love novels. for all I know, I miss him alot.. even when I see him in school, I feel he's so far away from me. we're restricted from everything in school.. I can only catch glances of him and feeling great he's doing good but I can never feel him beside. its like, he's just right beside me, and yet I’m missing him so much.. really very much..

Short flashbacks

short flashbacks for now. rushing for time..

Saturday, 15th may 2oo4
I knew it. I got the buffet counter job. and everything was so fo0ked up. my manager kept eyeing me, scolding me. I can’t stand her! she's nagging like my mum! she accuses me! I had to wash and sweep the floor. I wash already, people walk past and dirty it. she claimed I didn’t sweep! I sweep the floor, my colleague push the chairs in to wash and littered along the way. she claimed I didn’t sweep properly! b*tch.

Sunday, 16th may 2oo4
went out with mum and sis. bought 3 sleeveless. oh yea. lol.

Tuesday, 18th may 2oo4
our first month! =D had a great time with him. he's so cute.

Wednesday, 19th may 2oo4
oh gosh.. he told me he went to the hospital in the morning cos he had gastric pain. man! I was so worried! he promised to go to band but I didn’t really force him to keep his promise cos he aint feeling well. he went cos he said he wanted to. I can see the change in him. =D alumni practice! oh yea! man, scolded by ms Chan. =P we weren’t concentrating well for Godzilla Eats Las Vegas cos there were some screaming and shouting parts. we were too shy to do it and she got frustrated. =//

I’m lovin' it! I simply love music. it rox my world!

today, 20th may 2oo4
working @ five. feeling really bored. I hate working over there now. all my fo0ked up managers and as*hole Michelle. arghs. this also means I can’t talk to him at night already. Seoul garden jurong point sucks! =x I’m gonna find another job when school opens. hopefully two weeks after school opens. cos I need to get used to school and that my mum said it'd be a good time cos many poly students would quit their job by then. (=

Cashier galore!

hohoho. here I am, updating another entry once again. have been really tired nowadays. oh well, I’m glad I didn’t get the buffet counter work for yesterday afternoon and the night before. haha. I have yet to learn how to deal with the buffet counter though I’ve been in Seoul garden for 3 months plus already. =P

all of my other colleagues hate that job. cos they said it’s very tiring and tough. I’ve yet to experience that. oh wait, don’t tell me my manager's gonna let me learn that tonight.. oh man.

instead, I was the cashier for both days. hahaaa. I love being a cashier. it’s the easiest and fun task! some of my colleagues hate it cos they had lost money before, and had to top it up themselves. I did too.. but it was a mere 80cents. it wasn’t my own human error. but that the cash register lack of one buck. I didn’t inform my manager, so I had to lose in the end. I’m glad it wasn’t a huge lump or sum. =P

the night before, I had an excess of 3 bucks plus. my colleague said I cheat the customer of their money but oh please, I didn’t! -.-!! of all the times I’ve been cashier, I would say, I’ve never lost any money before. it’s either too much of an excess =P or just nice. how lucky I’ve been huh? lols!

yesterday the total amount was just nice and I was shocked. cos I remembered I collected a wrong sum of money from the customer, a lack of 15cents. its small yea.. but in the end the total amount was just right. haaa. miracles. =x

I’m glad band's resuming next Wednesday, well, at least I’ll have valid reasons to why I’m seen in school. *sniggers* and so very glad I’m gonna have to attend alumni practices on Wednesday and Saturday starting next week. it’s so nice, ya know. and yes, concert's coming soon. on top of it, my laptop's gonna be here even sooner! oh yea! a whole lot of privacy I’ll earn!

at least my sis wouldn’t be able to show my mum the pictures I took with him. I can take pictures with him then. and save it in my own laptop. =)

lol. I’ve got nothing much to write already. *tada~

Sweet day

had a terribly wonderful day with him yesterday. (= he actually spent his whole afternoon with me. our destination was City Hall and we shopped at Raffles City, Citylink Mall, Marina Square, Esplanade, Bras Basar then to Parco Bugis. oh wow. we spent like 6 hours doing that. looked at stuff at Raffles City then to Citylink Mall. gawd dammit we were confronted by a guy who claimed to be Michael and he actually urges us to purchase de kinda donation tickets. there goes 6 bucks. I should have lied saying that we don’t have any cash with us and should have sarcastically asked if he accept Nets. whatever, but that's gonna be my next trick. =P

ate at Marina Square and then went to the roof terrance at Esplanade. it was so nice, warm though. so I took him to the Esplanade library. the nicest thing happened over there. he found the Guinness World Record Book 2oo4 and we sat down together and read. it was so nice. haaa. and we actually found out the longest kiss lasted for 30 hours. that's like -.-!! who would have spent the whole day kissing without eating, drinking or sleeping?! there was even the biggest breast, biggest bra and largest waist! -.- largest waist was like 3m plus plus. can you imagine?!

went to bras basar cos we had nowhere to go and then he suggested looking for Beach Road. instead, we walked to Parco Bugis. we were rushing for time so we just took the mrt back to Chinese Garden. in the mrt, we met someone we knew. haaa. -.-

to sum it all up, he dressed very nice and very cool yesterday. as usual, he was in this extremely too big yellow blouse and a yellow tee inside, with long pants, the orange shoes I like and a green cap. so cute, so cool and nice. =D

I’m so glad my mum didn’t really talk to me about him. though once in a while she'll still say she objects it. I guess I’ve been very clever to set my handphone to silent mode and every time he calls, I’ll walk to my room as if I want to do something else in my room. and yesterday, I did that so I had to act as if I’m not on the phone. I lay on my sister's bed with a book and talking to him on the phone. my mum opened the door, asked me some questions and then closed the door. she didn’t suspect anything. hahaaa. ^.^

An angel

I feel good today.

met him today during my break and was really very happy. time was short but I cherished it. it’s been a week since we last met. I miss him loads.

meanwhile, I feel really good cos I finally have someone to listen to my woes. it’s unexpected, cos that person turns out to be one of the outlet managers. she seemed nice. we talked a bit at first but I felt a little awkward cos I’ve never talked to any of my outlet managers like a friend. that was who she seemed to me. she's like a friend, someone who's there to listen to my unhappiness about work.

I told her about the bloody fellow, Michelle, and she listened attentively. she'd let me speak and then later voice out her views. more surprise, she turned out to really dislike Michelle too. it’s pretty shocking when I later found out she, like me, don’t like veggies. haha.

I like her compliments. it was the third time I see her today. I remembered clearly the first time I met her was when she was observing the things going on at Seoul Garden. later, she introduced herself to me and actually asked me to ask for feedbacks from customers about the drinks. I was like 'oh my gawd' but I did it. she then complimented saying that I’ve got a nice smile and that I should be giving customer service.

today, she said the same thing to me again. =D sadly, I don’t think I’d be fitted in that position. I’m not even appreciated in Seoul Garden. and I heard that they're gonna hire a permanent cashier cum customer service worker. ahs, whatever. they wouldn’t like me, anyway.

as I talked to her about my unhappiness, tears start to appear in my eyes. I guess she can really feel how unhappy I am. she said Michelle didn’t even have a pint of respect for her. cos we've gotta greet other outlet managers if they came to visit. she also see that my managers have been biased towards Michelle. and that it’s really ridiculous when Michelle can actually go over and see what's happening at the staff table whereas we can’t. our managers would scold us for that. ahs, whatever.

well, not to beat around the bush, she's actually the manager from Brekz and Seoul Garden Marina Square. we address her as ma'am Winnie. and I love her. she was into teaching me how to actually serve the customers but of cos it wasn’t any formal training. but she's nice. she had asked me to request to learn customer service but I figured if I were to ask, I wouldn’t be chosen, anyway.

and as I was talking to her, I feel like telling her "can you attach me to your outlet? I can’t really take it working in here. everything is so F-ed up. I wanna feel appreciated." I don’t really mind if I were to wake up early just to be at Marina Square to start work, and I don’t mind if I were to pay extra for the transport fees. I wanna feel appreciated.

perhaps I’d tell her that the next time I see her. I don’t know when will that be, but I hope it’s gonna be soon. (=

with hopes and dreams, I’ll end here. =D

It's ruining me!

I CANT STAND IT!

why is my mother so paranoid about it? if its cos of religion, maybe I still can accept it.. but it’s also cos of the age that she doesn’t accept it? its so correct when the first episode of double happiness in which situ yaxi asked her mum why is it so that a guy can fall in love with a girl 10 years younger than him and cant a girl like a guy 10 years younger than her? why is the society so narrow-minded?

maybe it’s not the society that's narrow-minded.. but of all people, why my mum? I’ve got this major feeling inside of me which also tells me she wants her face. she dare not face her friends or relatives if this were to spread. but why?

she's getting too much.. I betcha everyone out there can’t stand such a mother. if she's only threatening to talk to his parents, that's not as bad after all. well, his parents doesn’t mind it, anyway. but to think she's up to the state into claiming he might have chanted some curse into his jersey, made me wear it, and made me fall in love with him! wtf!

can you actually stand such a mother? I can’t!

luckily, she's not depriving me of going out. I’m actually quite surprised when she still actually let me go out. NOT that I want her to shut me indoors lah, but that's what parents usually do when they want their children to learn.

it’s especially irritating when she stares at me when I have an incoming call. she would stare and stare without saying a word. and if she realizes I’m speaking ONLY English, she'll start all the nagging all over again! shits! even before she sleeps, she would check on me, whether I’m talking on the phone or not. just yesterday, when my sisters were quarrelling, I predicted she would come out of her bedroom, though she's in the middle of her sleep. and probably she would pass by my room to check if I’m talking to him on the phone, perhaps giving the same stare all over again. she did.

now I’m like controlling my tears every night. why must my mother give me the mental torture? she's even ransacking my stuff without my permission, probably even reading my school organizer and my stuff. she's invading into my privacy. I can actually see the difference in her. she used to trust me totally. she wouldn’t ransack my stuff like she did to all my siblings. she knows I’d behave myself. she trust me completely. the trust is now broken. all because she's objecting me and him!

it’s not like I’ve been sleeping with him and stuff. we do things like any normal couple would, minus off the sex part, of cos.

I knew age would be a problem. I knew my mum would object. but I definitely didn’t know she'd go crazy up to this stage! her actions and words are tormenting me! sometimes I just wish I could jump down from my house, cut my wrist, having her disown me, or maybe even running away from home..

according to what happened on Monday, I realized she actually decreased her nagging just cos she didn’t find me talking to him on the phone. yea, he was busy and only called me after ten, which was when my mum's already asleep. I think this could be a solution. maybe I should get him to call me only after my mum's sleeping time or when I’m outside at night, so probably she wouldn’t nag that much.

sighs, I don’t know what'd happen in the future..

Nothing much

here. I’m glad things are sorted out. I confronted him already. things are turning better. I’m glad.

yesterday was another hectic day. reservations for groups of 6, 8 or 11 were made. about 6 or more reservations in total. and a waiting list which is full. customers stopped coming in at about 8 plus and so I started stoving out. oh man, that was the side work I really hate.

hahaa. but I guess I’m starting to love it. cos I used the lazy way which Marcus previously taught me.. using the trolley. =P. so things were much much easier, and I don’t feel tired at all.

the last batch of customers came at 9.20, gawd, that was really late! usually when customers hear that the buffet counter is closing at 9.45, they wouldn’t wanna dine in.. who knows! some more it was a bunch of 8 people.

it was kinda a blessing in disguise cos they were really kiasu and didn’t wanna lose out so they took a lot of food. leftovers were, of cos, inevitable. they finally leave the place at 10 plus and my manager was like saying we can barbecue the leftovers. we thought she was joking.. but she was serious about it. sound pretty unappealing to all of you but hey, it’s quite a good deal you know! lols.

anyway, I’ve made a first deal with Mr. Lim..! he's so supportive! he knew I’m gonna promote stuff to him and he didn’t really reject me at all! though it’s only a small pillow pad he bought, but I’m really grateful! he's been real kind.. I remember when I asked him to help me take photos of the whole band and I thought he might say no cos it'd be unfair.. who knows he helped me loads! I had like.. a few pictures of the whole band.. he even helped me burn the nice pictures he took! he's so nice! =).

hmm.. that’s all folks!

Feeling neglected

somehow I feel neglected. but I don’t wanna say out.

I feel everything is so strange.. sighs. I don’t tell him, cos I don’t want him to worry and I want a healthy relationship..

I’m devoting majority of my time to him, though I have work too.. but he can’t seem to devote his time to me? I don’t know. absence do make the heart fonder.. but it keeps me miserable, too.

I know I’ve gotta be understanding cos he has his school stuff and his friends going on for him.. but.. I can’t help but feel he's spending more time with his friends than me. I simply don’t understand why he can go out with his friends.. but not me. =//.

I’ve prioritized my stuff, and of cos he's my first priority. it seems like.. I’ve been the one who keeps asking him to go out.. rather than him.. why?

now I understand the problems that will go on in a relationship but it’s the faith and trust which keeps going on.

but.. I still don’t understand why things is going on this track.

he doesn’t know this inner side of me, cos I didn’t want to share.. I don’t want him to worry.

I don’t wanna feel neglected.