Of the past

Met someone whom I kinda lost touch for a few years already. Built up emotions in me made me just wanted to cry at that moment. Imagine meeting someone who you hate alot last time, but a coincidental incident made you change your entire opinion of her? She was someone whom everyone hates alot. Cos people thinks she have attitude problem. The thing is, everyone have attitude problem. Hers was kinda serious.. But, she just wanna put her thoughts out but people just have another opinion about it.

Yes. The person is no other people than Shin Lien. I bet nobody really know who she is. She left the band when she was sec 3 and gradually left the school later. One day when I was with a group of friends, I bumped into her. I said hi but she just ignored. I wondered she did that deliberately or what. And then a few weeks back, she emailed me through friendster. Guess how happy I felt. Seriously very happy. We might have some grudges in the past.. But.. Like I’ve said, it’s all in the past.

She’s currently working in 77th street and I hope she's doing fine.. She seemed to changed alot. I don’t know. But I’m glad she's doing fine. really really glad. (:

Arghs

I can’t stand it! Living with such family! My mum nagging at me when I go home late, elder sister treating my digi cam as if it’s hers, my younger sister so disrespectful! How I wish I can just keep my digi cam to myself! But I know she'll turn my room into hell if I refuse to lend her my digi cam! Can someone pass me the knife?! Sighs. I’d rather move into a smaller flat so my elder sis would rent a room from my uncle and stay away from us! So I’ll be free from all these.. I miss my digi cam.. Guess I’ve been too nice to lend it to both my sisters and getting nothing in return! My younger sister took my flashcard for developing photos without even asking if I need it! What the.. Shucks. I hate this.. Grrrr

Will things remain this way?

Was just thinking if things can stay this way for long? Will he get sick of me? What will happen? I don’t know. I also don’t know why I’m thinking all this now. So many thoughts filled my heart. I’m feeling really happy nowadays but was just thinking how long will it last? It’s too soon to make predictions now. Darn. Why am I thinking about all these negative things?

Cherish

Hmmm. I think I should cherish what I have now rather than think about the past. Even if I were to go back to my ex, I don’t think things are gonna be the same. Somehow the scars would stay permanently.

Oh ya! I forgot about this. I met this Seoul garden @ cwp manager today! I was like so shocked. She, like me, was commuting to school. Well! She’s also from np! A second year student majoring in accountancy! What a small world! I’ve only met her once or twice and she remembered my name at first glance! And to think I had to think hard before knowing who she is! -.-;; *shame shame* hahaa.

Met alot of people whom I kinda lost contact with throughout my almost one month in np. To think of it.. It’s already gonna be a month since I’m in there! Time pass really fast! o.O

Well, he helped me to format my lappy today. Really glad he helped me with that. Had some problems before that but now it all solved!

Yesterday was really comical. It all started when he asked me to "keep quiet" so I played along with it. I kept really quiet and didn’t talk. I had to endure. Lol. I went up to the extend to expressing my thoughts in sign language. What I wanted to say was "I wanna get back ASAP cos I wanna watch fear factor." (I thought fear factor was tuned yesterday -.-;) I even spelt out the words "fear factor" for him but he didn’t get it. I had to signal 5; meaning channel 5, 8 and U! Thank god he got my meaning in the end.

Wahhaa. I really have a lot of happy moments with him.. I mean.. He simply makes me feel special, feel loved, and feel wanted =D

last words: wonder what will his reaction be if he reads my blog? -.-;;

Band Fiesta

Yesterday was certainly the best day ever! It was band fiesta in the gardens and I’m proud to say I’m from Yuhua Concert Band. Well, they're fabulous and is the only band that shone my heart yesterday. Okay, I’m biased. But I must admit that the rest of the band doesn’t sound as astounding as my band.

I’m glad that we chose the right pieces to perform so as to make the crowd move and clap to the music. But we also included dance and some actions. Well, the spirit is there. I’m so proud of everything. And yea! We won the grooviest band award!

Met his friend and ate dinner with them. Gee, my contact dropped while we were on our way to Cineleisure. Thank god we were at Takashimaya and we went to Watson’s to purchase the cleaning solution. He’s so sweet.. Paid for my solution.

The bad thing came after that, my ex started to critize him and stuff. I didn’t know what to do and felt pissed. His attitude suck. We didn’t do anything. We didn’t provoke him, but those insulting sms do hurt me.. That’s so.. Whatever.

He’s just jealous. He’s just angry. That’s why he spurts out those insulting words. But why must he do that? He then told me he got backstabbed and stuff. I felt I’m the only person who can change him for the better.. But I can’t let ___ down. I’m starting to feel guilty.. Cos he has fallen for me. What should I do?

My feelings for my ex haven’t faded completely.. Memories do come back. I don’t wanna make the wrong decision, and of cos, I don’t wanna risk getting hurt by him again. But I’m just confused. I don’t wanna let both of them down, at the same time, I know I can’t two-time cos that really sucks. How I wish all these didn’t happen: my ex leaving me, me falling for him, and then getting caught in a situation which I never expected would happen.

Previously I was so keen into saying no when my ex wanted patch.. But now, I’m totally confused. What should I do? Its either I choose one of them, hurt the other; or hurt all of us and no one gets anything.. I really don’t know what to do..

Tears welled up as I read the email he sent to me. He feels for me deeply, but I’m simply just so confused. He’s too good to be true.. And I don’t wanna hurt him.. Somebody please take my life away..

Why is love so complicated? When I want things so badly, it just wouldn’t turn out the way I want it to be. But when I let things go, it just comes back to me just like a tornado; something I can’t force away. If only I don’t exist.. If only I don’t know "love".. What’s so nice about me?

Now I question myself.. And the taste of others.

Blur Queen

Hmmm, so it’s been quite time since I last updated my blog huh. Well, alot of things has been happening and it’s seriously so funny and so comical I’m gonna mention it all here.

Its gonna be all about Wenna, the blur queen, I should say. Lol. With her around, you'd definitely laugh like hell every time. Yes, and I mean it.. every time. It all happened, er, on Wednesday la. Well, she accompanied me to submit my iac assignment at block 53 then we went to block 31 to seek help for the scholarship stuff. It all began when we reached block 31 and that we had to go to the student service center on the 8th floor. There were only two of us in the lift and I was the last to walk out of the lift. Well, instead of pressing the "open" button to let me out before it closes, I pressed the "close" button. My oh my, Wenna freaked out and asked if I’m okay. I kept laughing and she was giving me the adidas face when I told her what happened. She, of cos, laughed with me. -.-;; when we entered the place, Henna went practically berserk? Hmm, she rang the bell and said "er, hi" that’s so.. Dots?

We went out of that place just to find out the staff over there don’t know the problem at all. He suggested going to the service center on level 6 instead. Lol. Wenna looked into the opposite classroom and said ZhiWei's inside. I was like "you must be kidding" but it actually is true. What a coincidence huh. Lol.

We waited and waited for the guy to help us but he never did. It was kinda crowded so we figured we might as well go to block 53 first. We went uphill for that place. Man, some workout in the campus. -.-;;

so after that we're back at block 31. Well, we took the lift at the 2nd floor and out destination is the 6th floor. We went in and God knows the lift actually went down instead of up. So we ended up at the 1st floor first. Blur Wenna actually just walked out of the lift without realizing it’s the 1st floor! I kept laughing but stayed in the lift.. I didn’t really have the strength to tell her that. She stunned a while before walking back into the lift. This time, of cos, laughing like some lunatic just like me. The lecturer who took the lift with us.. Seriously had the adidas face lor.

Another lecturer went in at the 4th floor to find 2 lunatics in the lift who kept laughing. What a scene. A normal human reaction would be.. "What the hell happened?" haha. Whatever. I was trying not to laugh too hard cos I felt my pee coming out soon. We went out of the lift at the 6th floor and the students were also shocked by us. o0px.

The funniest thing happened here. Guess what was the question Wenna asked me. She asked "I thought we took the lift at the 1st floor, how did we actually end up at the 1st floor again?" oh man, did that made me laugh all the way to the toilet. We just kept laughing and laughing at Wenna's stupidity. Oopx. Lol.

On Thursday and yesterday, we went to play pool. This time, Wenna was also the blur person. Well, we're "entitled" to free ball if we were to play foul. And there were several occasions in which Wenna kept thinking the ball is free for her. Dots. There was this time she actually just walked to the white ball and took it to position where she wanna aim. All of us stunned and asked her what she's trying to do. She just said "free ball mah" and we reminded her it wasn’t a foul play previously. We just kept laughing.

And then there was this time whereby the white ball is in between the blue-striped ball and orange-striped ball. She gotta be cautious cos she might just move the orange-striped ball. So when Theresa told Wenna to be cautious, she simply just moved the ball! Man, how blur can she is! Lol. Another time was when the white ball went into the hole and she was waiting for it to come out. It was kinda slow and she was like "where's the white ball?!" with her hand on the pool table taking her anger out on the solid green ball. All of us stunned.. Of cos.

to sum it all up: Wenna is a blur gal =p

Whatever

Hmmm, currently having IMMF lecture now. Its all about learning HTML and I can say it's seriously fun. I’m ahead of the lecturer cos I figure out what the practical worksheet is all about. It’s really fun. And perhaps soon, I can start to create my own layout. I’m still waiting =)

yesterday had a fun day. Well, went out with zw. I simply love him =x he's so sweet lor. When his friends disturb me or bully me, he would fend for me.. So sweet. Even "sweeter" than ******. Don’t wanna mention name.

****** is too late already. A few days back he said he wanted to ask for patch but my heart is already taken by zw. Too bad. its not I’m breaking my promise or stuff (I promised if he were to come back to me and that my feelings for him are all gone, I would try my best to get back the feelings for him) but now its all impossible cos I’ve found someone new. Not that I’m so anxious or stuff.. Just that I feel I can’t continue with ****** anymore..

He’s still like treating me like a spare tyre. He was like saying "GREAT, I lost 3 of my loved ones in 3 days" it gives me a feeling that he actually went back to both of them FIRST before coming to me. Cos perhaps in his mind he has this concept that "she will definitely come back to me if I were to approach her last". Crap. Too bad =P

to zw: you gave me hopes once again and make me feel in heaven. I simply don’t know how to thank God for letting me meet you.. =)

Too late..

Everything is too late..

A few days back Z called. But I lied saying I was busy with my school stuff. I just didn’t want to talk to him.. And today, Z told me he actually wanted to ask for patch. I teared. Everything is too late.. When I was still deeply in love with him, he rejected my love. Now my heart is with someone else, Z wants me back. I teared cos he didn’t know how to cherish me when I was around.

Z told me he lost 3 of his loved ones in 3 days. Uh-huh. Does that mean he lost the battle of trying to get back his ex-ex and then his ex-ex-ex? And that he's approaching me last cos he knew I would still love him? I still feel Z takes me for granted. Too bad..

I’m not trying to sound like one heartless creature but if my feelings for Z aren’t there anymore, what can I do? o.0

a special shout-out to someone: I’m still trying hard to get your feelings for me strong. and I think I’m on my way. I’m not gonna rush things.. for fear of things getting worst. I’m letting everything go slow.. just tell me when you feel it, alright?

Goodbye

where are all the wonderful memories we had? where is all the laughter we shared? where is all the love you once had for me? it’s a question mark for all the questions. well, from here, I wanna sum up the wonderful times I had with him and then move on in life.

right from end of last year, I started to realize I have the feelings for you ever since you told me about your encounter with her. I was shattered and was confused at the same time as well and didn’t want my feelings to be known. I was glad when you two were over a few months later.

things didn’t get better either, until one day I found out you like your classmate. my heart was torn apart and I feel I just have to let my feelings out. I confessed everything to you and that was how it kinda started.

everything was so wonderful and I felt I was really in heaven.. things were going smoothly and though I can’t spend much time with you, I felt really contented. we shared many happy moments together; our frequent trips near the canal, the trip to esplanade, you sending me to work etc.. those moments are still on my mind.. I can still remember it so vividly.

till one day you told me you missed her and regretted leaving her, I felt my world fell apart. I tried to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and put them together, but things weren’t the same anymore. I kept hoping that things will take a better turn, but it never did. the love once so strong, was then broken.

I tried hard to bring back your feelings for me, but you tried hard to get her back. was it fair to me? did you ever spare a thought for me? I didn’t know what you were thinking at that time, nor should I say I felt I couldn’t understand you anymore. many things happening so fast, and I had to suffer in pain, alone..

I promised to let go if you were to choose her. yes, that was what I plan to do but do you think I felt happy about it? I felt shattered when you told me you want to choose her. I shed tears. for it seemed that I’ve been wasting my tears on you..

now I want to seek for someone else to fix my broken heart. I shall not come back to you, perhaps not anymore. I do hope you learn your lesson here and not hurt any girls like you hurt me before. I now wish you happiness and put everything to an end here.

goodbye.. my love.

No feelings

I don’t really know how to start this entry.. but I feel there's alot of things I wanna say..

perhaps I really have no feelings for him already. don’t ask me why. I just felt like a stupid fool cos I now feel he don’t really worth the wait. our phone conversations are getting more casual and nothing else. I don’t really speak of my feelings for him anymore.

I feel now on the phone he's still onto saying a little of the sweet stuff to me but it no longer mean a thing to me. he told me about girls and stuff, I don’t feel a thing anymore. I hope this means a big step to completely forget him..

I’m in search for someone to mend my broken heart and I hope it’s gonna be the someone whom I met in the campus. I find him real special and cute!! =D but I guess it’s gonna be real hard! well, it’s just the beginning. always strive for the best mah! let nature take its course then! =D

SYF Finals

okay, so I guess Blogspot had a problem yesterday. I just couldn’t seem to write any entry! well, now I shall just run through what happened on Saturday.

Saturday was the SYF finals for the outdoor band competition; something I’ve been waiting for. and thank god I was given a chance to watch it from the grand stand. the beginning was kinda boring and we reached there at about 3 so we were waiting till the actual thing starts at about 5. well, patience is a virtue. ahha. luckily the songs they played while all of us are waiting are nice; or I would just sleep down there. lol!

yea, rv was invited to play for the opening. well, two years ago it was us who played it. it was a fun-filled experience and I could still remember Ms Chan telling us "doesn’t act as if you’re scared when the people fire their guns", we had to just endure the deafening noise lor. I don’t know how we sound the other time but this time round the projection is quite bad. I guess the microphones aren’t working cos it doesn’t make a difference at all.

alot of songs sang by the choir, and it all sounded the same as it was 2 years ago. *faint* haha. waited and waited, and then there was this dance putted up which is very boring. it looks messy for the formations they were trying to make and I told Natalie "perhaps they are trying to do this so it'd look messy. and that later when the bands compete with one another we'd go WOW". she's been complaining that my expectations are too high.. lol.. but I was just trying to be "precise".

this is bad but I must admit it. deyi suck. =x they're just a bunch of copycats and boot-lickers! man, the beginning part was a kinda solo for percussion, 4 bass drums on the left side, 2 tum tums on the right and 5 snare drummers and 4 cymbals in the middle. man! the whole thing was entirely copyright from the movie "drumline"! cant they have some originality?! I guess they should get sued for copyright. =P. but one thing I really have to admit.. their drum major is good. he turned the mace like no one's business. sad thing is, he threw the mace so low but he still used two hands to catch it! that's so.. arrr. lol. they even had a formation of an elephant just to suck up to the Thai judge. what the.. -.-"" when they showed the elephant, I was like "aren’t any water gonna cum out of the trunk?" well, they did show that effect. but I just don’t like it.

okay, so I’m very BIASED. TKSS was great! they'll always be the top outdoor band in my heart! they're really full of surprises! cos this is the Olympic year and they did a formation of the logo, you know, the five different color rings. that’s so cool! I love their swiftness when it comes to rows turning to the back one by one! its so fast and nice and cool! I simply love them! they had this formation of a puma and I was like asking Natalie "are they going to make it run?" and she gave me the "you must be crazy -.-" " face. lol. I was trying to be lame lard. they also had a formation of a castle and a shark. that’s so nice. =) the projection of their music are fantastic and they aren’t even afraid to do solos too! I mean, they had a trumpet and clarinet solo! man! its so hard to project a clarinet's sound lor.

Bowen was also not bad but I personally still prefer TKSS. man, they got top for three years in a row.. And I heard they can’t take part in the competition next two years liao. *sad* I just love the band!

iE games

Had games today. The games, er, are great! They were all so creative and of cos tiring lar.. On top of that, all of us had fun.

The first game was mobile race. It was like amazing race but this is cool cos every group had a pda to assist us with the questions and destinations. Yea, indeed it’s cool but the wireless network was giving my group trouble! We lagged behind.. -.-; it was so tiring cos we had to run from the atrium to the sports hall, back to atrium, to the canteen and so on! Man, we were complaining like hell. worst thing was, at the beginning where all of us were at the first level waiting for the question to be loaded, we found out we had problem with our pda! Man! We ran up to the fifth floor to seek help!!

-.-;; that was really tiring and I guess I burnt alot of calories. It’s been "years" since I last ran so much!

The next game we had was innovative and creative game. It was actually a game in which we had to score the most number of points just by tossing the rings to the poles. We had to use teamwork, to reach the 20 points mark and then "connect" to one another to toss the rings. It was so much hard work for me and wenna! We had to keep changing places to toss the rings and my knee bled abit. -.-;; it was worth the fun. Well, we won ourselves the "hardwork" prize lor. Thanks to me and wenna =D

and then we played the mobile enterprise game. It was a creative and enriching game. We had to earn tokens and trade them for money and see how much we can earn. This guy approached us as "black market" and sold us tokens for three times. At the end of the game, the senior told us we aren’t supposed to buy from black market cos its "illegal" and have to deduct money. We regretted but there's nothing we can do. Lol. And guess what. We got the "most courageous award" cos we approached the black market the most number of times! Lol.

Well, I had a busy yet fun and tiring day. Lol. On my way for the race, people like suaidah and kailin met me on the way and they greeted me. Lol. Paiseh sia. This marks the end of my day =)

Poly life

I think poly's kinda great for me! well, I’ve made great friends! yesterday I was having some difficulties blending into the environment but soon I’m used to it already. thank god the peeps were friendly and they helped me with what I’ve missed out on Monday. really thank them, man..

and today, I've finally met my group people. they're a bunch of friendly and nice people and I’m really glad I fit in immediately. lol. hmm, me, Theresa, Kai Ling and Wenna made a "loo" for our mentor, William. he was so glad. lol. it was kinda messy but it’s nice, I should say. well, we putted in our efforts, ya.

I feel I kinda miss my secondary school class. I find many people resemble my ex-classmates. okay, I really miss everyone. one thing which I’m glad is, my current class is really like 4e5 =)

now for personal feelings.. I find I don’t understand myself anymore. I don’t understand my feelings at all. I didn’t think about him the whole day today.. until I leave the campus. I feel the feelings for him are fading.. bit by bit. but when Weili told me some stuff, a knife stabbed my knife. I felt the sharp pain in my heart. I was really hurt. if the feelings for him are slowing fading, why do I feel so hurt? I really don’t understand myself! I’m fighting with my own feelings now.. help me!

Zoom back

so it has been 31556489423154 days since I last update my blog huh. well, have been quite busy and that my comp was sent for repair. simply too lazy to update and have no internet access to do so. let me just write some short summaries to significant days which has past.

well, currently I’m in Malaysia and I’m lovin' it! lol. came here just to eat dumplings. stupid law they had putted up.. NO dumplings can be taken to or from Singapore. okay, so I came here just to eat my grandma's dumplings. it’s simply so damn nice.

the babies here are still as cute as ever. some really very friendly towards me while some shy themselves away from me. sad thing is, those really damn cute ones are so shy! I ended up having trouble just to get them to play with me and talk to me. but its worth it lah. patience's the word.

I got to hear this really sweet thing. one of them told me Shi Ning, the really very pretty 5 year old cousin of mine, kept asking Wen Ji whether she remembers me. and she simply ask her "eh, do you still remember shan shan jie jie?" every weekend without fail. that's really sweet!

okay. back to all recollections.

13th June 2oo4
concert day! well, it has finally arrived. sad to say, I feel that's the worst concert ever. =( I just felt everything's not right. and it wasn’t that well done. but I had fun =D well, I received a rose from Kai Lin, hersey chocos from Kwang Boon, merci chocos from Shu Mei and Peng and hersey chocos from Shu Qing. that's nice =D

19th & 20th June 2oo4
recording camp! ahha! damn happy cos I was on the phone with him for nearly 4 hours on saturday night. couldn’t felt any happier! the camp was nice cos its not formal and we're not restricted for too much things. haha. got compliments for my skater shirt. lol. people said I look great in it. of cos, its me =P

21st June 2oo4
went to Malaysia just to eat my grandma's dumplings. grandma POWER!

23rd June 2oo4
got my laptop and my comp is back from repair! damn.. the comp has gotten worst. even slower =//

24th June 2oo4
went to Escape! had a hella fun! well.. sad to say, I feel Escape aint as what I had expected.. it wasn’t as fun as I thought it is. but I had fun screaming my lungs out! I’m very happy cos he gave me an orange cap. it’s really nice and I really treasure it. I love him.. man.

I guess that’s all for my updates lar. guess my cousin is abit mad at me. he didn’t say it but I suspected it. cos vie been using the comp and doing my stuff. its a prepaid internet access. he paid it himself. feeling bad right now =//

It's all happening too fast

Many thoughts bottled up in my mind.. Now I wanna get it all out.

Okay, so I admit it. I was once very flirtatious. I don’t mean that I would suck up to any cute guys I see but what I meant was like even thought in the past, say I like A, I would still be unable to control my feelings when I see another cute B or C. but now, he has totally changed me.

I’m not saying I’m truly devoted to him lar. but what I mean is I will try not to think about other guys, or should I say my past major crushes and stuff. outside, I still try to know this guy and that guy but it’s just that I wanna get to know them as friends. it’s no harm.

now, he has his own confusion in his feelings. he just couldn’t make up his mind. I feel utterly disappointed. I don’t mean he should shun her out of his life totally, matters of the heart is very hard to reject.. once it comes, it just stay, be it a short period or time or what. I feel really hurt.

at times I feel I think too much.. but this is also because of what I see and hear. I couldn’t believe at first. I even tell myself not to believe it. but negative thoughts keep filling up my mind.. what can I do? I’m a very sensitive person.. I don’t really get my feelings out of such matters for fear of making things worse..

he did give me assurance answers when I asked if he still have feelings for me and kinda questions but I still don’t feel secured entirely. it’s like his words are true.. but his actions show a different thing.. what should I do?

maybe you might think I’m just like trying to control him, trying to throw all girls out of his life. NO, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I mean, it’s a normal reaction what. if you were me, I betcha you would have the same reaction as me. I just can’t sit around and do nothing, am I right? =//

now I just have to wait for him to come back to me completely.. if not, I think I would just have to give up. =// it’s true when they say "the best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain." guess that is what we have to go through to get a strong relationship..

I don’t really know what to say already. now I’m hoping for a miracle.. and I wish for the best.. I’ll let time heal everything. that is what I just have to do.. for now.

Sweet understanding

a special shoutout to my dear: I love you loads!!!

He's seriously so sweet.. that day I sent the wrong sums to him cos the details inside were that he's not interested in my sister which is supposed to send to Carmen. I was kinda lucky he misplaced his hand phone in his house.. but till now, he still can’t find it!

I told him the details in the sms which I sent wrongly and thought he might get angry cos I told others about our problem. he did, but he said next time just be frank to him, and that we should solve our own problem instead of turning to others. how sweet can he be! I was so afraid of bring frank to him cos I’m afraid of losing him and now I don’t! not anymore! I love him so0ooo much!

he's getting cuter and sweeter than ever. heheEe.

so I guess there aint anymore things I wanna write cos my world simply revolves around him! =D

Back to normal

*giggles. I’m so glad.. really glad.

at last, things were finally back to normal. at first I was still losing some kinda hope and feeling really upset cos I had this terrible inside of me somehow telling me he might have lost all interest in me. despite all the facts I told him about my sis.

He used to mutter a "bye dear" and "love ya" kinda phrases when he wanted to sleep. And it has stopped since last Saturday or so. I was still hoping it would come back. I guess he was kinda trying to see how much I really love him. I’m glad I didn’t give up hope either. I’m just too happy for words. =D

he went to the extend being so interested in my sister and ignoring my "I miss yous" and "dear" on the phone. And I really so happy things did go back as normal yesterday. Just how glad I was.

Well, back to what happened yesterday. lol. Carmen, Celine, Hazel and I went to JP to eat and shop shop a little while. And we were at toy 'r' us when I popped the topic about my sister. I was saying how practically those guys in band who know her says she cute. And guess wad Carmen actually said. She said "seriously speaking lor, I think you're cuter than her." I didn’t expect such words to come from her mouth. Not say she what la. But that's so unlikely of her..

Ahhaa. And guess what he told me. His group of friends who has only seen my photo and comment that I’ve got a tomboyish face, said I look very chio in person. lol. I’m indeed flattered. chio is very much a strong word and "very" adds a stronger accent for the word. Eh-heh, so he does feel proud of me. lol =D hmm, I guess I’m so excited that things were back to normal and I practically almost forgot to write about what happened yesterday. Well, the band had a performance in PEPS to promote the band. They played a number of pieces and I recorded all of them. (= he actually wore the orange pair of shoes when I told him I really liked. lol. at first I thought it was just his normal pair of red and black shoes.

the kids were extremely cute over at PEPS. their enthusiasm as Leslie asked them questions. their cuteness and 'monkey see monkey do' style really made my day. just by seeing them so enthusiastic about everything makes me smile. throughout the whole performance, I was smiling. lol.

some of them danced to the music, some clapped to the music and some even stood to dance. cute! then there was this boy who kept looking at me and I looked back at him to "play" with him. lol. he was really cute. looking at me, then telling his friends around him that I’m looking at him and stuff. too cute.

worst still, there was this Indian girl who came up to me with her water bottle asking "can I go and drink water?" as the band was playing, I could hardly hear her cos her voice was timid, so I tried to read her lips. when I got her meaning I said "er, just go." inside my heart I was thinking, "do I look like your teacher?" and when she was back, she looked at me with fear. my gosh. have I scared the wits out of her? //= wouldn’t do that!

So much about yesterday. I’m gonna stop here now. *hugs and kisses for him* -po0f-

Problems

I don’t know but I think problems are arising? Am I thinking too much?

Somehow I feel his attitude towards me has changed. It’s like, we used to enjoy hours of non-stop chit-chatting though it’s always me who's talking but nowadays we only talk on the phone for 5 minutes and that it. This has started since last Thursday. Well, I can’t blame it on Thursday and Friday nights cos I’m working. I knew everything hasn’t changed yet cos on Friday, he still desperately called me twice though he know I’m working.

Can I say it all started on Saturday? Can I blame it on band? I don’t know. I remember way back when I was having alumni, he called me twice; the last time saying he miss me too much and he can’t stand it. But on Saturday he didn’t call me. He was out. But when he was back home, he called me but for a while. He claimed he was tired and wanted to sleep. So I let him. However, one hour later he messaged me.

Then yesterday, he didn’t even bother to call me at all. In the afternoon he did, but for about 2 minutes each time. I’m devastated. At night, I guess he was tired, but usually he would at least call me. He didn’t. So I called him. I wished I could meet up with him cos I know the rest of the week would be band for him and on Sunday he can’t go out. But he said he wanted to sectional today, so I let it be.

He seemed to changed. Or perhaps I think too much. I hope it’s me who think too much. Hidayah asked me to replace her tonight, I figured I don’t want. I wanna see if he'd chat with me for hours like before..

I guess every relationship have their own problems.

I’ve been watching alot of sweet stuff on tv and wishing it was me and him. I’ve also been reading love novels. for all I know, I miss him alot.. even when I see him in school, I feel he's so far away from me. we're restricted from everything in school.. I can only catch glances of him and feeling great he's doing good but I can never feel him beside. its like, he's just right beside me, and yet I’m missing him so much.. really very much..

Short flashbacks

short flashbacks for now. rushing for time..

Saturday, 15th may 2oo4
I knew it. I got the buffet counter job. and everything was so fo0ked up. my manager kept eyeing me, scolding me. I can’t stand her! she's nagging like my mum! she accuses me! I had to wash and sweep the floor. I wash already, people walk past and dirty it. she claimed I didn’t sweep! I sweep the floor, my colleague push the chairs in to wash and littered along the way. she claimed I didn’t sweep properly! b*tch.

Sunday, 16th may 2oo4
went out with mum and sis. bought 3 sleeveless. oh yea. lol.

Tuesday, 18th may 2oo4
our first month! =D had a great time with him. he's so cute.

Wednesday, 19th may 2oo4
oh gosh.. he told me he went to the hospital in the morning cos he had gastric pain. man! I was so worried! he promised to go to band but I didn’t really force him to keep his promise cos he aint feeling well. he went cos he said he wanted to. I can see the change in him. =D alumni practice! oh yea! man, scolded by ms Chan. =P we weren’t concentrating well for Godzilla Eats Las Vegas cos there were some screaming and shouting parts. we were too shy to do it and she got frustrated. =//

I’m lovin' it! I simply love music. it rox my world!

today, 20th may 2oo4
working @ five. feeling really bored. I hate working over there now. all my fo0ked up managers and as*hole Michelle. arghs. this also means I can’t talk to him at night already. Seoul garden jurong point sucks! =x I’m gonna find another job when school opens. hopefully two weeks after school opens. cos I need to get used to school and that my mum said it'd be a good time cos many poly students would quit their job by then. (=

Cashier galore!

hohoho. here I am, updating another entry once again. have been really tired nowadays. oh well, I’m glad I didn’t get the buffet counter work for yesterday afternoon and the night before. haha. I have yet to learn how to deal with the buffet counter though I’ve been in Seoul garden for 3 months plus already. =P

all of my other colleagues hate that job. cos they said it’s very tiring and tough. I’ve yet to experience that. oh wait, don’t tell me my manager's gonna let me learn that tonight.. oh man.

instead, I was the cashier for both days. hahaaa. I love being a cashier. it’s the easiest and fun task! some of my colleagues hate it cos they had lost money before, and had to top it up themselves. I did too.. but it was a mere 80cents. it wasn’t my own human error. but that the cash register lack of one buck. I didn’t inform my manager, so I had to lose in the end. I’m glad it wasn’t a huge lump or sum. =P

the night before, I had an excess of 3 bucks plus. my colleague said I cheat the customer of their money but oh please, I didn’t! -.-!! of all the times I’ve been cashier, I would say, I’ve never lost any money before. it’s either too much of an excess =P or just nice. how lucky I’ve been huh? lols!

yesterday the total amount was just nice and I was shocked. cos I remembered I collected a wrong sum of money from the customer, a lack of 15cents. its small yea.. but in the end the total amount was just right. haaa. miracles. =x

I’m glad band's resuming next Wednesday, well, at least I’ll have valid reasons to why I’m seen in school. *sniggers* and so very glad I’m gonna have to attend alumni practices on Wednesday and Saturday starting next week. it’s so nice, ya know. and yes, concert's coming soon. on top of it, my laptop's gonna be here even sooner! oh yea! a whole lot of privacy I’ll earn!

at least my sis wouldn’t be able to show my mum the pictures I took with him. I can take pictures with him then. and save it in my own laptop. =)

lol. I’ve got nothing much to write already. *tada~