My laptop..

am very tired right now. i think there's some major problem with my lappy or is it Microsoft? cos i heard from Jun Yi that Microsoft is having problem, hence my internet explorer kinda sux now.

surf for like 10 pages and it'll just stuck down there. no (Not Responding) signs and i just have to ctrl+alt+del to stop the program. am hoping things will turn better but no =\\ it's like, when i shut down my lappy, the rundll32 system or somthing will be not responding and it'll try to end the program. and finally, the "program not responding" thingy come out and i just have to end task.

it's not all. it will not shut down but it will restart at the end. that's so.. -_-; i cant login if not the same thing repeats and it'll become an "infinite loop". tell me what's the problem? hence, for that, i'll just shut down without logging in. that's so troublesoom. am hoping some miracles will happen. please.. o.O

am so in love with Jay Chou. ain't he so cute? he's the only person who can make me go so 'high' as well as admire his talent in music.

he's just one of a kind! am loving him since.. er.. hmm.. august 2003 and am still loving him ={ if only he's a Singaporean. am hoping he'd come to Singapore end of this year for a concert. he came here only once.. =(( i just wanna see him in person!

Teachers' Day coming!

lalala. Come back from my primary school. Well, everything’s so fun cos everyone’s still the same. It’s been 4 years already. Am missing the old days; the nerdy me and the bookworm me. Lol. Finished reading a Chinese book which I borrowed yesterday. Well oh well, this book “Diary of a Mad Bride”, I must say, is seriously so boring! I thought it might be interesting. Well, this teaches me not to judge a book by its cover -_-; am looking forward to play The Sims once I get it from Maria and Jie Ying. They’re just so nice! I love them! *muacks* Jie Ying is also so sweet to lend me her library card. Well, my fines were like $6++ and I can’t borrow anymore. Love my friends (=

Grrr

did you guys catch singapore idol yesterday? Man oh man. Competition is so tough! Well, prior to my pic, Benjamin eio is so cute! He as got the charming smile, which has charmed me already. Man oh man, I’m getting crazy! Geee. What the fcuk -_-; thought I could have a peaceful 3 days break but who knows my lappy got virus early in the morning when I on it! =(( somebody help me.. am going back to primary school later =D

It's over!

hehehe. Am in the reading mood now. Lol, went to the library to borrow 2 chinese and 2 english books. Okay, so exams’ over and I oughta relax, but there’s just nothing much I can do at home other than surfing net and im kinda bored surfing too much. So my reading mode’s ON! IMMF was great. Know how to tackle all questions but of cos not perfect. Good luck to those who haven finish their common tests! =)

CSA paper sux!

well, my entry title showed it all. CSA paper really sux! parts in the CPU came out and i dont know what the hell it is! what the.. i guess nobody studied for that lor. last year paper was 9087463782432 times much much easier! i wonder who set the paper! i think he/she wants all of us to retake the module next year huh? it was so unpredictable and like hell lor.

whats worse. the secret agent ASCII code thingy came out. i was like.. oh gee. what the.. -.-;

AHHH! its no use crying over spilt milk. whats over is already over. i'll be more than happier if i can score at least a 60 out of it. *prays hard*

next is the last paper.. IMMF! its chicken feet to me.. but its like questions type.. it just seems hard to me at the moment i looked through my tutorial worksheets. somebody help me! now im beginning to love PSP1 more than anything.. =///

Jun Yi introduced this song 1st Ladi - Never Be Replaced. a short song but its nice. sang by a kid. think she's about ten years old bah..

1st Ladi
Never Be Replaced
[chorus]
baby i love you and i'll never let you go
but if i have to, boy, i think that you should know
all the love we make can never be erased
and i promise you that you will never be replaced
baby i love you and i'll never let you go
but if i have to, boy, i think that you should know
all the love we make can never be erased
and i promise you that you will never be replaced
i love you, yes i do
i'll be with you as long as you want me to
until the end of time
from the day i met you
i know we've been together
and now i know i wanna be with you forever
i wanna marry you and i wanna have your kids
thinking never compare to feel enough to kisses
i can say im truly happy to the same
you've made me think i'll die and live my life hesitate
there's never been no doubt in my mind
that i'll regret ever having you by my side
but if the day comes that i'll have to let you go
i think there's something i should prolly let you know
join everyday that i spent with you
and i will miss you cos im happy that i have you all

[repeat chorus]

i feel for you, yes i do
i'll be with you as long as you want me to
until the end of time

[edit] aint the lyrics sweet? [/edit]

Simple thoughts

sometimes i feel like asking you to just give up on me. i seriously dont know what to do. i just cant bring myself to face up to you. would you give up if i were to ask you to that? yes, ive been thinking.. alot. i cant make up a conclusion. do i love you? i dont know. all these misery are just happening like no one's business. i just feel this is not meant to be. give up, can you?

PSP1 over!

phew~ PSP1 is finally over. was glad while and for loops didnt came out for writing program kinda questions. almost hand in my paper full of careless mistakes. thank god i finished the paper in 30mins time and spent the rest of the time checking through and through.

last question was pretty tricky. well, rate=20 was declared at the beginning of the program. saw that and yet i didnt use the variable. luckily i checked through and found out my mistakes.. if not i'll lose plently of marks from there ^_^

hahaha. i have a few disciples now. lol. they all claimed im "clever" cos i know my FS and PSP1 well. what crap. o0px :pPpPp

CSA is waiting for me tomorrow.. common test is going to be over soon. first two tests went smoothly. will my boat continue to sail safely? -to be continued-

[edit] ive long forgotten the meaning of love; and how to love.. [/edit]

~.~

tried to add a chinese quote but to no avail =(

lets talk about my FS common test today. everything went fine. think im gonna lose 5 marks cos i didnt know how to do the last part of question 2. dont really have confidence in the last part of question 3 too. the rest are fine. i know how to do. kinda easy if my answers are correct.

my aunt and cousins from m'sia came today. they're gonna stay overnight. was expecting the worst yesterday when i gotta know they're coming. thought i might have some distractions but thank god didnt. well, of cos i had some distractions cos they kinda 'came' to use my lappy and house computer. wanted to join them for some game craze since they visit us occasionally but all thanks to the common test week =//

think im feeling stress cos i keep eating since lunch -.-; its gonna be PSP1 tomorrow. i know i can do it, but somehow there's this really dreadful feeling.. why?

dont wanna think too much and dont wanna ruin myself. hopefully everything turn out well tomorrow =S

It's haunting me..

hmmm, common tests are coming soon. yea, and i mean really really soon. its starting tomorrow! gee. gonna start with Fundamental Statistics.. MATH! -.-; havent really started yet but think i might be able to make it through la. well, did the revision exercises. got careless mistakes more than i-dont-even-know-howda-do questions. hopefully (:

watched tons of movie clips. got that website from Leslie of Saxophile cos ive been trying to look for the URL. thank god they played the song. must say they played really well :D

am watching the last one so i could just study hard for my common test. pleasee... let all these end asap.. o.O

haha. went out to study today and then showed my friends the Esplanade performances postcard. told them about the Ong Teng Cheong concert. and they told me he's already dead. and i was like O.O! huh?! just a concert in the name of Ong Teng Cheong. wahaha. blur me. ive lagged for years. oh man, what have i been thinking all these while? (*.*)

[edit] shant update for a time being till my common test are all over. aight peeps, take care and good luck to NP peeps! *toodles* [/edit]

Make a difference

a man was walking along the beach one day when he saw a boy who was picking up starfishes and flinging them into the sea. curious, he asked the boy why he did that. the boy said: "if these starfishes are left here till the morning sun, they would die." the man then replied: "hey kid, the beach goes on for miles and miles and there would be other starfishes which might die the next day, what difference would it make?" the boy looked at the starfish on his hand, threw it into the sea and said: "it would make a difference to this one.."

many times all of us wouldnt do something when we felt its of no use.. but little did we know it would make a difference! haha. well, got this story from the NUS diary which i browse through today. really meaningful so thought i might as well post it here.

had alumni practice today. it was short but enjoyable (: gotta rush to study for common tests! -poof-

Saxophile Part 2

its pretty obvious what im gonna write in my blog. oh well, went to Saxophile concert today and i must say i really enjoyed myself. its been very long since i last had such outings. though its with a few people whom i dont really know, but we really havoc around like a big group of monkeys.

"malu-ed" ourselves during the concert. shouted stuff like "go, Nizam!" and scream lots like hell. thats the way it should be ;p and then had this part when Julie clapped when they havent finish playing the song, us screaming when Nizam said we're his bunch of loyal juniors, Adam coming out to get the Saxophile polo tee (again) etc.

saw Edmund too. well, he made me went mad when i first saw him at the Saxophile part 1. took sneaky shots of him ;p heard the song "Zhai Xin", a song with a sad story behind it, which Leslie wanna record it down and send it to someone in Thailand. thats very touching.. was wondering whether Leslie had such a sad story too.. hope not. =//

Adam and Maisarah went berserk at the MRT station. took my bag and played some "games" as if they are the "suspicious articles" in which the lady over the PA system keep repeating. thats pretty lame and i can only say "poor bag.." Adam and Julie played the "hei bai pei! nan sheng nu sheng pei!" game and we made fun of the way Adam tried to pronounce those words. he went like "hei bai CHEY! ()*&@^#%*&@# PEI!" totally cant get what he was trying to say.

had a whole lot of fun in the MRT as well. Adam, again, did the "pole swing" and everybody practically went mad just like him. sat down and played the "hei bai pei" game again. this time its more challenging and me, Adam and Carmen tried to play a 3-man game. pretty hard. had to coordinate.

played Concentration games as well. had nicks to make things harder. nicks like "roxy", "spike", "corny aka horny", "emo", "meow meow(me)", "claw", "CL", "ahh ahh", "think first" and "johnny". everyone in the train were looking at us; some giving the -.- face while other just laughed at us.

tiring day of cos. poor Adam, Carmen and Julie as they have Physics common test tomorrow.

last words: Saxophile rox! well, think they gotta change to Yuhua Saxophile instead cos majority of their players are from Yuhua (: Nizam and Sally rox but Nizam rox more ;p its just so nice hearing them play. oh yar, Edmund was cute too :D

Study

studied PSP1 last night and did the 2oo3 common test paper. had very good news today! *screams and jumps around the room* limfanghow said we're not gonna have the "error detection" section for the exams and that the last section will be more of fill in the blanks! cant help but feel really happy =D

well, taught Jie Ying PSP1 and Li Ting IMMF and PSP1. hope it's of much help to them. cos i feel i cant really teach. -.-; Jie Ying keeps saying i should be a teacher O.O! spent the night watching Singapore Idol and doing the layout of my blog, how is it? muahaha. well, doubt any comments cos not much people visit my blog. =//

watched Mean Girls twice. its really a nice show and Lindsay Lohan is just so pretty! love her acting in The Parent Trap though that movie seemed ages ago. Mean Girls is a sad story about Lindsay losing herself. sad to say, such things happen in real life. and i happen to know someone who's like this.

haha. i guess my phrase "have you ever seen "flying objects'?" and "i think he/she have never seen 'flying objects' before" is getting popular. it started when i say 'flying chairs/shoes/slippers' when i found out i cant really say all those if the things i mentioned dont exist anywhere near me when i say that. so i invented 'flying objects' instead. okay, its pretty lame but it gets people laughing. that's the main motive. all i have to say is that it dont originate from me, but 'flying objects' originates from me.

still wondering whether i should go for the "class study" tomorrow cos im gonna go for the Sax Quartet at night..

A fresh start

went to Clementi to help my mum bring back some stuff for the Hungry Ghost Festival. oh wow, its seriously so heavy. havent been helping out since ive offically stepped out of band. well, last time we had to carry those really heavy instruments to and fro. thank god i helped my mum. if not i wouldnt know how she would be able to manage all those.

had a haircut as well. my mum had asked me to trim it abit cos my hair looks "thick". im not paying for it, so why not? ;p not much of a difference i guess. but when my younger sister came back, she went like "you cut your hair?". haha. if she were to be the one who cut her hair, it would take me at least a few months before i realise it. well, i see her everyday, ya know. this also shows how observant she is.

the hairdresser also helped me to straighten my hair abit cos she said my natural curls are coming back. expected her to collect about 20 bucks or so but she merely accepted 9 bucks. great! (:

studied PSP1 and did the common test 2003 paper as well, and then had some doubts. of cos i approached my shifu ;p

Hmm..

had revision classes for IMMF and PSP1 today. well, kinda fun lar. cos i was crapping around with the senior buddies (more like suan-ing them ba.. ;p). and then played the "spot-the-mistakes" game, blah, i mean there were a few mistakes in the worksheet.

hmm, im glad to say that ive finally sorted out my doubts with tables and frames! *rejoices* there were practices for tables and frames. got the table one correct and the frames one midway wrong. well, its a good try la.

im also happy to announce that i kinda got through the barrier of PSP1 already. not really got through the barrier.. cos i got treeman to mark my PSP1 2oo1 paper and CSA 2oo2 (which i did for my friend cos i forgot to bring the anwers as ive promised to) and found out that i got my PSP1 common test paper almost all correct! well, except for grammatical mistakes and variables declared mistakes la. and for the CSA, ive roughly got a bit of the memorising important parts in my head already. am so happy today (:

whats more, Jie Ying has decided to lend me her The Sims! woah! i cant help but feel any happier! what can i say? she's been friends with me since primary one till primary six! and she still keep a photo of us when we were primary twos. i look so toot in it, oh well, i was still young, oh yea? ;p

what am i supposed to do? i really dont know.. can someone guide me? ive been trying my best but i still i feel i dont belong. whats wrong with me? many times i wanna be able to mix around with them.. i can.. but i feel i dont belong.. or maybe i should let things remain this way? i dont want! grrr..

mixed up thoughts once again. wished i never can experience this feeling, but it seemed its haunting me everytime. perhaps this feeling is supposed to haunt me for life? i dont know.. still, i wanna say.. wadevas.

Revision class

had revision class today. beneficial cos im lazy to pick up my books, sit down and study. well, practised abit of FS and found out alot of careless mistakes and wrong answers as well. still sux at permutation, combination and probability. cant seemed to get them right since secondary 4.. oh well. -.-; got panicked when it came to CSA. just happened to get all my 1st and 2nd's complement mixed up. became so panicked till i wanted to cry. -.-;

common test is next week and i still seem kinda unstable in my work. dont really know what to do now except to try my best to absorb as much as i can.

haha. his eyes are just so nice, so charming. seeing it during the lectures is simply.. shiok! muahahaha ;p

tomorrow shall be IMMF aka aye yam yam aref (lol) and PSP1. just have to clear my doubts about loops for PSP1 and of cos get my "whys" answered. hehe.

oh yar. to update about The Sims, i got married yesterday! haha. from Huei Shan Sunshine to Huei Shan Johann. okay, strange cos i dont have a christian name. well, the marriage bells are ringing soon for Wendy *weeuweet*. still trying hard for Carmen though. haha (:

Havocation

had lotsa fun today. well, met up with wendy and carmen at JE mac. was supposed to study. ended up wendy used my lappy to play The Sims, carmen studyin math, and i did abit of psp1. crapped around. cant stand them. wahha.

well, there was this time when i dropped my books and i said "o0px, i dropped my books" and they went practically "o0px, i dropped my boobs" okay. so its really funny. but to me, it isnt. cos its entirely about me. oh man. -.-;

and then we went on talking about The Sims cheat code. to use the cheat code, we had to press ctrl+shift+c. and when carmen asked wendy what should we press, she replied "control, shift, shee". tried to correct her. but didnt do well either. "control, shhive, c" was what i said instead. k fine. seriously so funny.

when we were eating, i merely said "i still love my mother's egg" meaning the egg she cooks lar. but they thought otherwise instead. oh wadevas.

went back home after that cos something happened at home. didnt attend alumni.

also, i gotta find out why wendy dislikes cheryl so much.. its just the way she treat her friends. well, i must say she kinda have a problem in the way she treats her friends. i dont say it out. but, isnt friendship kinda about give or take? i mean, we shouldnt mind that much what. and i kinda got used to it anyway. its not we dont wanna say. just that dont wanna ruin things. but still, wadevas..

A month has passed

its been a month already. things happened so fast. and my heart screwed it all. "wadevas", i tell myself. "studies is much more important right now. common test week is coming.."

grr! talking about common test! i'm not ready yet! *screams* someone please help me. well, found out PSP1 is all about knowing the concepts, CSA is kinda more of memorising, FS, of cos, is still maths and IMMF is also much about memorising too. i know i'll have no problem in IMMF.. but the rest? ~.~

cant help but think when will all these end. gee. it's almost just like O levels lor. having seat numbers, the need of presenting out student cards etc. guess this is the life for poly students! year 1 is already kinda tough for me.. what about year 2 and 3?

luckily i still have my "shi fus" but i cant depend on them too much either.. the most when i have doubts. limfanghow! i need the PSP1 2oo1 common test answers!

i'm still online frequently nowadays.. or should i say i'm spending more time facing the computer rather than anything else, ever since the wired/wireless modemn arrived last wednesday. well, i must make full use of it but i'm kinda "abusing" it. now i just wish it didnt come. i'd rather quarrel to use teh internet connection, that when my sisters are using, i might as well study. gee. guess this is life; humans will never be contented. we always crave for more and when we have it, we yearn for the past.. -.-;;

What a life

am revising real hard for my modules nowadays. and have been using the computer too frequently. well, for both leisure and homework lah. need help, oh yea? i'm not a genius. i'm feeling so scared for the upcoming common tests.. how? through the revisions i had, i kinda understand the concepts but im afraid i'll be too nervous and forget everything. man, common test week gonna be packed for us. its 4 days in a row we're having those scary papers. somehow like taking Os. wahaha.

oh yar, Singapore Idol rocks my world. haha. just being able to watch people's stupid acts and stuff. o0px. well, like what the judges are doing, in search of someone who can really sing mah! haha. yesterday they had the banana man. woohoo. whats next? grr. gonna wait till next thursday for Singapore Idol. its like a week to that! cant wait.. !!

well, behind the nasty comments by the judges, there's still the sentimental side of them yea? those two people, one with hearing impaired, the other speech defect, really made my day. seeing them having the courage to join the contest despite thinking that they might get mocked at. their spirits is what made me admire them. just so cool. really.

lalala. dont really wanna talk about anything else. perhaps things should remain this way.. too busy to find time.. this, i think, should be the best way (:

In the confused state of mine

"everytime i fly, i'll fall without my wings"

the song "everytime" by Britney Spears is nice, really really nice. (:

currently doing my PSP1 2oo1 common test paper. limfanghow is gonna go through it tomorrow. have been slacking since school starts, now its the time to really concentrate and "pay back". dont wanna suffer in the future. wanna get the scholarship. wahhaa. if i can. o.O

i have been thinking alot these few days, and it seemed im kinda outta my mind. what am i thinking about? things have been going smoothly, almost like what ive been expecting, but i just dont feel it that way now. why is this so?

[edit] gee. dont wanna talk about that now. just wanna concentrate in my studies and thats it. perhaps this is the best way to remain things as it is. [/edit]

National day

just like another day to me. just that the only difference is no monday blues! hahaa. no school today! (:

well, watched Singapore Idol. real nice. haha. well, didnt really enjoyed American Idol but Singapore Idol is another thing. has been looking out for my friends. ahha.

yes, joined blogdrive cos i find it cool. this default layout is also as cool as it is. most importantly, blogdrive have its own tagboard and comments! this means i dont have to sign up for any tagboards or comment thingy! horray!

guess we had some misconceptions. sighs. it wasnt what i mean by telling him all those things yesterday. what i meant was i need time to forget my ex. i dont mean i wanna go back to him. hey hey, you have some misunderstanding in me.. oh please dont be so negative?

i just dont wanna be unfair to you.. i dont wanna think about my ex when im with you.. can you please understand this and dont be so paranoid? im thankful for all those things you did for me. thats why ive thought through and didnt want to be unfair to you.. please dont think otherwise.

i wish you dont have confidence in yourself. if you dont have that, i guess its best for things to remain this way. yes, i must do something to regain your confidence.. but the only person who can really do that is yourself. if you continue to think im going back to my ex, i think we're not meant to be. please stop having those thoughts. im begging you.

or unless you wanna regain your confidence then we shall talk about getting into a relationship. perhaps that is the best way. come back when your confident enough.

Funny

Guess it’s been some time since I last updated already. Just come back from alumni practice and it totally rox! Hmmm, played some pieces which brought back sweet old memories.. Horray! Played Hokkien songs. Haha. Heard that we're being paid to do a recording. Another project! (:

hmm, on Thursday, something really amusing happened. ahha. it all happened when we were in canteen 3 while I was talking to Wenna. I was trying to say "wen rou" meaning "gentle in Chinese but I said "rou rou" instead. She laughed at it and I went to tickle her. She then uses her hands and locked into my hands, trying to push me. We’re like playing tug-o-war and I was against the table when I felt a chair is gonna fall. I didn’t tell her and it fell to the floor with a huge impact. It even rolled -.- everyone in the canteen was practically looking at what happened and I just kept laughing. Lol.

Am feeling kinda stressed by school work. Darn. I’m gonna have a WAA test next week and am working on an IMMF assignment in which I have to create my own webpage. I’m halfway through but it’s not up to my "standard". How? -.-;

last words: memories are always here to stay.

Crazy day

Another day past again. Nothing much. Just wanna say Crazy Taxi and Mahjong rocks! Well, got these two games today. Really very cool and can keep me going. (: have never enjoyed playing so much for a long time already..

oh yarh.. Jay Chou's new album "Qi Li Xiang" is coming out soon and I’m glad to say ancw is buying for me! I love him just so much lor. o0px. Haha.

And yes, Pei Wei, if you're reading this, please be reminded you still owe me one Jay Chou album! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about it!

Guess the Usher mp3 is downloading very slowly and not really working. Am taking it out. Sad. ):

Another day

Hmm, bought an OP tee yesterday, and I saw this really nice star bracelet from Perlini's Silver. Ahha, I’m dreaming again. Lol. Ate at D'Caffelo in JP. Well, the food there is nice.. And of cos expensive. Haha. I’m not the one who paid for it, so I ate lor. =P

now my mum is gonna subscribe another contract for internet access. And hopefully me and my siblings can use the internet connection without quarrelling. You know, the problem of having too many siblings. -.-;

and ya, I’ve added a background song Burn by Usher. A really nice but sad song. However, it might take a while to load. Enjoy the song! (:

Of the past

Met someone whom I kinda lost touch for a few years already. Built up emotions in me made me just wanted to cry at that moment. Imagine meeting someone who you hate alot last time, but a coincidental incident made you change your entire opinion of her? She was someone whom everyone hates alot. Cos people thinks she have attitude problem. The thing is, everyone have attitude problem. Hers was kinda serious.. But, she just wanna put her thoughts out but people just have another opinion about it.

Yes. The person is no other people than Shin Lien. I bet nobody really know who she is. She left the band when she was sec 3 and gradually left the school later. One day when I was with a group of friends, I bumped into her. I said hi but she just ignored. I wondered she did that deliberately or what. And then a few weeks back, she emailed me through friendster. Guess how happy I felt. Seriously very happy. We might have some grudges in the past.. But.. Like I’ve said, it’s all in the past.

She’s currently working in 77th street and I hope she's doing fine.. She seemed to changed alot. I don’t know. But I’m glad she's doing fine. really really glad. (:

Arghs

I can’t stand it! Living with such family! My mum nagging at me when I go home late, elder sister treating my digi cam as if it’s hers, my younger sister so disrespectful! How I wish I can just keep my digi cam to myself! But I know she'll turn my room into hell if I refuse to lend her my digi cam! Can someone pass me the knife?! Sighs. I’d rather move into a smaller flat so my elder sis would rent a room from my uncle and stay away from us! So I’ll be free from all these.. I miss my digi cam.. Guess I’ve been too nice to lend it to both my sisters and getting nothing in return! My younger sister took my flashcard for developing photos without even asking if I need it! What the.. Shucks. I hate this.. Grrrr

Will things remain this way?

Was just thinking if things can stay this way for long? Will he get sick of me? What will happen? I don’t know. I also don’t know why I’m thinking all this now. So many thoughts filled my heart. I’m feeling really happy nowadays but was just thinking how long will it last? It’s too soon to make predictions now. Darn. Why am I thinking about all these negative things?

Cherish

Hmmm. I think I should cherish what I have now rather than think about the past. Even if I were to go back to my ex, I don’t think things are gonna be the same. Somehow the scars would stay permanently.

Oh ya! I forgot about this. I met this Seoul garden @ cwp manager today! I was like so shocked. She, like me, was commuting to school. Well! She’s also from np! A second year student majoring in accountancy! What a small world! I’ve only met her once or twice and she remembered my name at first glance! And to think I had to think hard before knowing who she is! -.-;; *shame shame* hahaa.

Met alot of people whom I kinda lost contact with throughout my almost one month in np. To think of it.. It’s already gonna be a month since I’m in there! Time pass really fast! o.O

Well, he helped me to format my lappy today. Really glad he helped me with that. Had some problems before that but now it all solved!

Yesterday was really comical. It all started when he asked me to "keep quiet" so I played along with it. I kept really quiet and didn’t talk. I had to endure. Lol. I went up to the extend to expressing my thoughts in sign language. What I wanted to say was "I wanna get back ASAP cos I wanna watch fear factor." (I thought fear factor was tuned yesterday -.-;) I even spelt out the words "fear factor" for him but he didn’t get it. I had to signal 5; meaning channel 5, 8 and U! Thank god he got my meaning in the end.

Wahhaa. I really have a lot of happy moments with him.. I mean.. He simply makes me feel special, feel loved, and feel wanted =D

last words: wonder what will his reaction be if he reads my blog? -.-;;

Band Fiesta

Yesterday was certainly the best day ever! It was band fiesta in the gardens and I’m proud to say I’m from Yuhua Concert Band. Well, they're fabulous and is the only band that shone my heart yesterday. Okay, I’m biased. But I must admit that the rest of the band doesn’t sound as astounding as my band.

I’m glad that we chose the right pieces to perform so as to make the crowd move and clap to the music. But we also included dance and some actions. Well, the spirit is there. I’m so proud of everything. And yea! We won the grooviest band award!

Met his friend and ate dinner with them. Gee, my contact dropped while we were on our way to Cineleisure. Thank god we were at Takashimaya and we went to Watson’s to purchase the cleaning solution. He’s so sweet.. Paid for my solution.

The bad thing came after that, my ex started to critize him and stuff. I didn’t know what to do and felt pissed. His attitude suck. We didn’t do anything. We didn’t provoke him, but those insulting sms do hurt me.. That’s so.. Whatever.

He’s just jealous. He’s just angry. That’s why he spurts out those insulting words. But why must he do that? He then told me he got backstabbed and stuff. I felt I’m the only person who can change him for the better.. But I can’t let ___ down. I’m starting to feel guilty.. Cos he has fallen for me. What should I do?

My feelings for my ex haven’t faded completely.. Memories do come back. I don’t wanna make the wrong decision, and of cos, I don’t wanna risk getting hurt by him again. But I’m just confused. I don’t wanna let both of them down, at the same time, I know I can’t two-time cos that really sucks. How I wish all these didn’t happen: my ex leaving me, me falling for him, and then getting caught in a situation which I never expected would happen.

Previously I was so keen into saying no when my ex wanted patch.. But now, I’m totally confused. What should I do? Its either I choose one of them, hurt the other; or hurt all of us and no one gets anything.. I really don’t know what to do..

Tears welled up as I read the email he sent to me. He feels for me deeply, but I’m simply just so confused. He’s too good to be true.. And I don’t wanna hurt him.. Somebody please take my life away..

Why is love so complicated? When I want things so badly, it just wouldn’t turn out the way I want it to be. But when I let things go, it just comes back to me just like a tornado; something I can’t force away. If only I don’t exist.. If only I don’t know "love".. What’s so nice about me?

Now I question myself.. And the taste of others.

Blur Queen

Hmmm, so it’s been quite time since I last updated my blog huh. Well, alot of things has been happening and it’s seriously so funny and so comical I’m gonna mention it all here.

Its gonna be all about Wenna, the blur queen, I should say. Lol. With her around, you'd definitely laugh like hell every time. Yes, and I mean it.. every time. It all happened, er, on Wednesday la. Well, she accompanied me to submit my iac assignment at block 53 then we went to block 31 to seek help for the scholarship stuff. It all began when we reached block 31 and that we had to go to the student service center on the 8th floor. There were only two of us in the lift and I was the last to walk out of the lift. Well, instead of pressing the "open" button to let me out before it closes, I pressed the "close" button. My oh my, Wenna freaked out and asked if I’m okay. I kept laughing and she was giving me the adidas face when I told her what happened. She, of cos, laughed with me. -.-;; when we entered the place, Henna went practically berserk? Hmm, she rang the bell and said "er, hi" that’s so.. Dots?

We went out of that place just to find out the staff over there don’t know the problem at all. He suggested going to the service center on level 6 instead. Lol. Wenna looked into the opposite classroom and said ZhiWei's inside. I was like "you must be kidding" but it actually is true. What a coincidence huh. Lol.

We waited and waited for the guy to help us but he never did. It was kinda crowded so we figured we might as well go to block 53 first. We went uphill for that place. Man, some workout in the campus. -.-;;

so after that we're back at block 31. Well, we took the lift at the 2nd floor and out destination is the 6th floor. We went in and God knows the lift actually went down instead of up. So we ended up at the 1st floor first. Blur Wenna actually just walked out of the lift without realizing it’s the 1st floor! I kept laughing but stayed in the lift.. I didn’t really have the strength to tell her that. She stunned a while before walking back into the lift. This time, of cos, laughing like some lunatic just like me. The lecturer who took the lift with us.. Seriously had the adidas face lor.

Another lecturer went in at the 4th floor to find 2 lunatics in the lift who kept laughing. What a scene. A normal human reaction would be.. "What the hell happened?" haha. Whatever. I was trying not to laugh too hard cos I felt my pee coming out soon. We went out of the lift at the 6th floor and the students were also shocked by us. o0px.

The funniest thing happened here. Guess what was the question Wenna asked me. She asked "I thought we took the lift at the 1st floor, how did we actually end up at the 1st floor again?" oh man, did that made me laugh all the way to the toilet. We just kept laughing and laughing at Wenna's stupidity. Oopx. Lol.

On Thursday and yesterday, we went to play pool. This time, Wenna was also the blur person. Well, we're "entitled" to free ball if we were to play foul. And there were several occasions in which Wenna kept thinking the ball is free for her. Dots. There was this time she actually just walked to the white ball and took it to position where she wanna aim. All of us stunned and asked her what she's trying to do. She just said "free ball mah" and we reminded her it wasn’t a foul play previously. We just kept laughing.

And then there was this time whereby the white ball is in between the blue-striped ball and orange-striped ball. She gotta be cautious cos she might just move the orange-striped ball. So when Theresa told Wenna to be cautious, she simply just moved the ball! Man, how blur can she is! Lol. Another time was when the white ball went into the hole and she was waiting for it to come out. It was kinda slow and she was like "where's the white ball?!" with her hand on the pool table taking her anger out on the solid green ball. All of us stunned.. Of cos.

to sum it all up: Wenna is a blur gal =p

Whatever

Hmmm, currently having IMMF lecture now. Its all about learning HTML and I can say it's seriously fun. I’m ahead of the lecturer cos I figure out what the practical worksheet is all about. It’s really fun. And perhaps soon, I can start to create my own layout. I’m still waiting =)

yesterday had a fun day. Well, went out with zw. I simply love him =x he's so sweet lor. When his friends disturb me or bully me, he would fend for me.. So sweet. Even "sweeter" than ******. Don’t wanna mention name.

****** is too late already. A few days back he said he wanted to ask for patch but my heart is already taken by zw. Too bad. its not I’m breaking my promise or stuff (I promised if he were to come back to me and that my feelings for him are all gone, I would try my best to get back the feelings for him) but now its all impossible cos I’ve found someone new. Not that I’m so anxious or stuff.. Just that I feel I can’t continue with ****** anymore..

He’s still like treating me like a spare tyre. He was like saying "GREAT, I lost 3 of my loved ones in 3 days" it gives me a feeling that he actually went back to both of them FIRST before coming to me. Cos perhaps in his mind he has this concept that "she will definitely come back to me if I were to approach her last". Crap. Too bad =P

to zw: you gave me hopes once again and make me feel in heaven. I simply don’t know how to thank God for letting me meet you.. =)

Too late..

Everything is too late..

A few days back Z called. But I lied saying I was busy with my school stuff. I just didn’t want to talk to him.. And today, Z told me he actually wanted to ask for patch. I teared. Everything is too late.. When I was still deeply in love with him, he rejected my love. Now my heart is with someone else, Z wants me back. I teared cos he didn’t know how to cherish me when I was around.

Z told me he lost 3 of his loved ones in 3 days. Uh-huh. Does that mean he lost the battle of trying to get back his ex-ex and then his ex-ex-ex? And that he's approaching me last cos he knew I would still love him? I still feel Z takes me for granted. Too bad..

I’m not trying to sound like one heartless creature but if my feelings for Z aren’t there anymore, what can I do? o.0

a special shout-out to someone: I’m still trying hard to get your feelings for me strong. and I think I’m on my way. I’m not gonna rush things.. for fear of things getting worst. I’m letting everything go slow.. just tell me when you feel it, alright?

Goodbye

where are all the wonderful memories we had? where is all the laughter we shared? where is all the love you once had for me? it’s a question mark for all the questions. well, from here, I wanna sum up the wonderful times I had with him and then move on in life.

right from end of last year, I started to realize I have the feelings for you ever since you told me about your encounter with her. I was shattered and was confused at the same time as well and didn’t want my feelings to be known. I was glad when you two were over a few months later.

things didn’t get better either, until one day I found out you like your classmate. my heart was torn apart and I feel I just have to let my feelings out. I confessed everything to you and that was how it kinda started.

everything was so wonderful and I felt I was really in heaven.. things were going smoothly and though I can’t spend much time with you, I felt really contented. we shared many happy moments together; our frequent trips near the canal, the trip to esplanade, you sending me to work etc.. those moments are still on my mind.. I can still remember it so vividly.

till one day you told me you missed her and regretted leaving her, I felt my world fell apart. I tried to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and put them together, but things weren’t the same anymore. I kept hoping that things will take a better turn, but it never did. the love once so strong, was then broken.

I tried hard to bring back your feelings for me, but you tried hard to get her back. was it fair to me? did you ever spare a thought for me? I didn’t know what you were thinking at that time, nor should I say I felt I couldn’t understand you anymore. many things happening so fast, and I had to suffer in pain, alone..

I promised to let go if you were to choose her. yes, that was what I plan to do but do you think I felt happy about it? I felt shattered when you told me you want to choose her. I shed tears. for it seemed that I’ve been wasting my tears on you..

now I want to seek for someone else to fix my broken heart. I shall not come back to you, perhaps not anymore. I do hope you learn your lesson here and not hurt any girls like you hurt me before. I now wish you happiness and put everything to an end here.

goodbye.. my love.

No feelings

I don’t really know how to start this entry.. but I feel there's alot of things I wanna say..

perhaps I really have no feelings for him already. don’t ask me why. I just felt like a stupid fool cos I now feel he don’t really worth the wait. our phone conversations are getting more casual and nothing else. I don’t really speak of my feelings for him anymore.

I feel now on the phone he's still onto saying a little of the sweet stuff to me but it no longer mean a thing to me. he told me about girls and stuff, I don’t feel a thing anymore. I hope this means a big step to completely forget him..

I’m in search for someone to mend my broken heart and I hope it’s gonna be the someone whom I met in the campus. I find him real special and cute!! =D but I guess it’s gonna be real hard! well, it’s just the beginning. always strive for the best mah! let nature take its course then! =D

SYF Finals

okay, so I guess Blogspot had a problem yesterday. I just couldn’t seem to write any entry! well, now I shall just run through what happened on Saturday.

Saturday was the SYF finals for the outdoor band competition; something I’ve been waiting for. and thank god I was given a chance to watch it from the grand stand. the beginning was kinda boring and we reached there at about 3 so we were waiting till the actual thing starts at about 5. well, patience is a virtue. ahha. luckily the songs they played while all of us are waiting are nice; or I would just sleep down there. lol!

yea, rv was invited to play for the opening. well, two years ago it was us who played it. it was a fun-filled experience and I could still remember Ms Chan telling us "doesn’t act as if you’re scared when the people fire their guns", we had to just endure the deafening noise lor. I don’t know how we sound the other time but this time round the projection is quite bad. I guess the microphones aren’t working cos it doesn’t make a difference at all.

alot of songs sang by the choir, and it all sounded the same as it was 2 years ago. *faint* haha. waited and waited, and then there was this dance putted up which is very boring. it looks messy for the formations they were trying to make and I told Natalie "perhaps they are trying to do this so it'd look messy. and that later when the bands compete with one another we'd go WOW". she's been complaining that my expectations are too high.. lol.. but I was just trying to be "precise".

this is bad but I must admit it. deyi suck. =x they're just a bunch of copycats and boot-lickers! man, the beginning part was a kinda solo for percussion, 4 bass drums on the left side, 2 tum tums on the right and 5 snare drummers and 4 cymbals in the middle. man! the whole thing was entirely copyright from the movie "drumline"! cant they have some originality?! I guess they should get sued for copyright. =P. but one thing I really have to admit.. their drum major is good. he turned the mace like no one's business. sad thing is, he threw the mace so low but he still used two hands to catch it! that's so.. arrr. lol. they even had a formation of an elephant just to suck up to the Thai judge. what the.. -.-"" when they showed the elephant, I was like "aren’t any water gonna cum out of the trunk?" well, they did show that effect. but I just don’t like it.

okay, so I’m very BIASED. TKSS was great! they'll always be the top outdoor band in my heart! they're really full of surprises! cos this is the Olympic year and they did a formation of the logo, you know, the five different color rings. that’s so cool! I love their swiftness when it comes to rows turning to the back one by one! its so fast and nice and cool! I simply love them! they had this formation of a puma and I was like asking Natalie "are they going to make it run?" and she gave me the "you must be crazy -.-" " face. lol. I was trying to be lame lard. they also had a formation of a castle and a shark. that’s so nice. =) the projection of their music are fantastic and they aren’t even afraid to do solos too! I mean, they had a trumpet and clarinet solo! man! its so hard to project a clarinet's sound lor.

Bowen was also not bad but I personally still prefer TKSS. man, they got top for three years in a row.. And I heard they can’t take part in the competition next two years liao. *sad* I just love the band!

iE games

Had games today. The games, er, are great! They were all so creative and of cos tiring lar.. On top of that, all of us had fun.

The first game was mobile race. It was like amazing race but this is cool cos every group had a pda to assist us with the questions and destinations. Yea, indeed it’s cool but the wireless network was giving my group trouble! We lagged behind.. -.-; it was so tiring cos we had to run from the atrium to the sports hall, back to atrium, to the canteen and so on! Man, we were complaining like hell. worst thing was, at the beginning where all of us were at the first level waiting for the question to be loaded, we found out we had problem with our pda! Man! We ran up to the fifth floor to seek help!!

-.-;; that was really tiring and I guess I burnt alot of calories. It’s been "years" since I last ran so much!

The next game we had was innovative and creative game. It was actually a game in which we had to score the most number of points just by tossing the rings to the poles. We had to use teamwork, to reach the 20 points mark and then "connect" to one another to toss the rings. It was so much hard work for me and wenna! We had to keep changing places to toss the rings and my knee bled abit. -.-;; it was worth the fun. Well, we won ourselves the "hardwork" prize lor. Thanks to me and wenna =D

and then we played the mobile enterprise game. It was a creative and enriching game. We had to earn tokens and trade them for money and see how much we can earn. This guy approached us as "black market" and sold us tokens for three times. At the end of the game, the senior told us we aren’t supposed to buy from black market cos its "illegal" and have to deduct money. We regretted but there's nothing we can do. Lol. And guess what. We got the "most courageous award" cos we approached the black market the most number of times! Lol.

Well, I had a busy yet fun and tiring day. Lol. On my way for the race, people like suaidah and kailin met me on the way and they greeted me. Lol. Paiseh sia. This marks the end of my day =)

Poly life

I think poly's kinda great for me! well, I’ve made great friends! yesterday I was having some difficulties blending into the environment but soon I’m used to it already. thank god the peeps were friendly and they helped me with what I’ve missed out on Monday. really thank them, man..

and today, I've finally met my group people. they're a bunch of friendly and nice people and I’m really glad I fit in immediately. lol. hmm, me, Theresa, Kai Ling and Wenna made a "loo" for our mentor, William. he was so glad. lol. it was kinda messy but it’s nice, I should say. well, we putted in our efforts, ya.

I feel I kinda miss my secondary school class. I find many people resemble my ex-classmates. okay, I really miss everyone. one thing which I’m glad is, my current class is really like 4e5 =)

now for personal feelings.. I find I don’t understand myself anymore. I don’t understand my feelings at all. I didn’t think about him the whole day today.. until I leave the campus. I feel the feelings for him are fading.. bit by bit. but when Weili told me some stuff, a knife stabbed my knife. I felt the sharp pain in my heart. I was really hurt. if the feelings for him are slowing fading, why do I feel so hurt? I really don’t understand myself! I’m fighting with my own feelings now.. help me!

Zoom back

so it has been 31556489423154 days since I last update my blog huh. well, have been quite busy and that my comp was sent for repair. simply too lazy to update and have no internet access to do so. let me just write some short summaries to significant days which has past.

well, currently I’m in Malaysia and I’m lovin' it! lol. came here just to eat dumplings. stupid law they had putted up.. NO dumplings can be taken to or from Singapore. okay, so I came here just to eat my grandma's dumplings. it’s simply so damn nice.

the babies here are still as cute as ever. some really very friendly towards me while some shy themselves away from me. sad thing is, those really damn cute ones are so shy! I ended up having trouble just to get them to play with me and talk to me. but its worth it lah. patience's the word.

I got to hear this really sweet thing. one of them told me Shi Ning, the really very pretty 5 year old cousin of mine, kept asking Wen Ji whether she remembers me. and she simply ask her "eh, do you still remember shan shan jie jie?" every weekend without fail. that's really sweet!

okay. back to all recollections.

13th June 2oo4
concert day! well, it has finally arrived. sad to say, I feel that's the worst concert ever. =( I just felt everything's not right. and it wasn’t that well done. but I had fun =D well, I received a rose from Kai Lin, hersey chocos from Kwang Boon, merci chocos from Shu Mei and Peng and hersey chocos from Shu Qing. that's nice =D

19th & 20th June 2oo4
recording camp! ahha! damn happy cos I was on the phone with him for nearly 4 hours on saturday night. couldn’t felt any happier! the camp was nice cos its not formal and we're not restricted for too much things. haha. got compliments for my skater shirt. lol. people said I look great in it. of cos, its me =P

21st June 2oo4
went to Malaysia just to eat my grandma's dumplings. grandma POWER!

23rd June 2oo4
got my laptop and my comp is back from repair! damn.. the comp has gotten worst. even slower =//

24th June 2oo4
went to Escape! had a hella fun! well.. sad to say, I feel Escape aint as what I had expected.. it wasn’t as fun as I thought it is. but I had fun screaming my lungs out! I’m very happy cos he gave me an orange cap. it’s really nice and I really treasure it. I love him.. man.

I guess that’s all for my updates lar. guess my cousin is abit mad at me. he didn’t say it but I suspected it. cos vie been using the comp and doing my stuff. its a prepaid internet access. he paid it himself. feeling bad right now =//

It's all happening too fast

Many thoughts bottled up in my mind.. Now I wanna get it all out.

Okay, so I admit it. I was once very flirtatious. I don’t mean that I would suck up to any cute guys I see but what I meant was like even thought in the past, say I like A, I would still be unable to control my feelings when I see another cute B or C. but now, he has totally changed me.

I’m not saying I’m truly devoted to him lar. but what I mean is I will try not to think about other guys, or should I say my past major crushes and stuff. outside, I still try to know this guy and that guy but it’s just that I wanna get to know them as friends. it’s no harm.

now, he has his own confusion in his feelings. he just couldn’t make up his mind. I feel utterly disappointed. I don’t mean he should shun her out of his life totally, matters of the heart is very hard to reject.. once it comes, it just stay, be it a short period or time or what. I feel really hurt.

at times I feel I think too much.. but this is also because of what I see and hear. I couldn’t believe at first. I even tell myself not to believe it. but negative thoughts keep filling up my mind.. what can I do? I’m a very sensitive person.. I don’t really get my feelings out of such matters for fear of making things worse..

he did give me assurance answers when I asked if he still have feelings for me and kinda questions but I still don’t feel secured entirely. it’s like his words are true.. but his actions show a different thing.. what should I do?

maybe you might think I’m just like trying to control him, trying to throw all girls out of his life. NO, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I mean, it’s a normal reaction what. if you were me, I betcha you would have the same reaction as me. I just can’t sit around and do nothing, am I right? =//

now I just have to wait for him to come back to me completely.. if not, I think I would just have to give up. =// it’s true when they say "the best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain." guess that is what we have to go through to get a strong relationship..

I don’t really know what to say already. now I’m hoping for a miracle.. and I wish for the best.. I’ll let time heal everything. that is what I just have to do.. for now.

Sweet understanding

a special shoutout to my dear: I love you loads!!!

He's seriously so sweet.. that day I sent the wrong sums to him cos the details inside were that he's not interested in my sister which is supposed to send to Carmen. I was kinda lucky he misplaced his hand phone in his house.. but till now, he still can’t find it!

I told him the details in the sms which I sent wrongly and thought he might get angry cos I told others about our problem. he did, but he said next time just be frank to him, and that we should solve our own problem instead of turning to others. how sweet can he be! I was so afraid of bring frank to him cos I’m afraid of losing him and now I don’t! not anymore! I love him so0ooo much!

he's getting cuter and sweeter than ever. heheEe.

so I guess there aint anymore things I wanna write cos my world simply revolves around him! =D

Back to normal

*giggles. I’m so glad.. really glad.

at last, things were finally back to normal. at first I was still losing some kinda hope and feeling really upset cos I had this terrible inside of me somehow telling me he might have lost all interest in me. despite all the facts I told him about my sis.

He used to mutter a "bye dear" and "love ya" kinda phrases when he wanted to sleep. And it has stopped since last Saturday or so. I was still hoping it would come back. I guess he was kinda trying to see how much I really love him. I’m glad I didn’t give up hope either. I’m just too happy for words. =D

he went to the extend being so interested in my sister and ignoring my "I miss yous" and "dear" on the phone. And I really so happy things did go back as normal yesterday. Just how glad I was.

Well, back to what happened yesterday. lol. Carmen, Celine, Hazel and I went to JP to eat and shop shop a little while. And we were at toy 'r' us when I popped the topic about my sister. I was saying how practically those guys in band who know her says she cute. And guess wad Carmen actually said. She said "seriously speaking lor, I think you're cuter than her." I didn’t expect such words to come from her mouth. Not say she what la. But that's so unlikely of her..

Ahhaa. And guess what he told me. His group of friends who has only seen my photo and comment that I’ve got a tomboyish face, said I look very chio in person. lol. I’m indeed flattered. chio is very much a strong word and "very" adds a stronger accent for the word. Eh-heh, so he does feel proud of me. lol =D hmm, I guess I’m so excited that things were back to normal and I practically almost forgot to write about what happened yesterday. Well, the band had a performance in PEPS to promote the band. They played a number of pieces and I recorded all of them. (= he actually wore the orange pair of shoes when I told him I really liked. lol. at first I thought it was just his normal pair of red and black shoes.

the kids were extremely cute over at PEPS. their enthusiasm as Leslie asked them questions. their cuteness and 'monkey see monkey do' style really made my day. just by seeing them so enthusiastic about everything makes me smile. throughout the whole performance, I was smiling. lol.

some of them danced to the music, some clapped to the music and some even stood to dance. cute! then there was this boy who kept looking at me and I looked back at him to "play" with him. lol. he was really cute. looking at me, then telling his friends around him that I’m looking at him and stuff. too cute.

worst still, there was this Indian girl who came up to me with her water bottle asking "can I go and drink water?" as the band was playing, I could hardly hear her cos her voice was timid, so I tried to read her lips. when I got her meaning I said "er, just go." inside my heart I was thinking, "do I look like your teacher?" and when she was back, she looked at me with fear. my gosh. have I scared the wits out of her? //= wouldn’t do that!

So much about yesterday. I’m gonna stop here now. *hugs and kisses for him* -po0f-

Problems

I don’t know but I think problems are arising? Am I thinking too much?

Somehow I feel his attitude towards me has changed. It’s like, we used to enjoy hours of non-stop chit-chatting though it’s always me who's talking but nowadays we only talk on the phone for 5 minutes and that it. This has started since last Thursday. Well, I can’t blame it on Thursday and Friday nights cos I’m working. I knew everything hasn’t changed yet cos on Friday, he still desperately called me twice though he know I’m working.

Can I say it all started on Saturday? Can I blame it on band? I don’t know. I remember way back when I was having alumni, he called me twice; the last time saying he miss me too much and he can’t stand it. But on Saturday he didn’t call me. He was out. But when he was back home, he called me but for a while. He claimed he was tired and wanted to sleep. So I let him. However, one hour later he messaged me.

Then yesterday, he didn’t even bother to call me at all. In the afternoon he did, but for about 2 minutes each time. I’m devastated. At night, I guess he was tired, but usually he would at least call me. He didn’t. So I called him. I wished I could meet up with him cos I know the rest of the week would be band for him and on Sunday he can’t go out. But he said he wanted to sectional today, so I let it be.

He seemed to changed. Or perhaps I think too much. I hope it’s me who think too much. Hidayah asked me to replace her tonight, I figured I don’t want. I wanna see if he'd chat with me for hours like before..

I guess every relationship have their own problems.

I’ve been watching alot of sweet stuff on tv and wishing it was me and him. I’ve also been reading love novels. for all I know, I miss him alot.. even when I see him in school, I feel he's so far away from me. we're restricted from everything in school.. I can only catch glances of him and feeling great he's doing good but I can never feel him beside. its like, he's just right beside me, and yet I’m missing him so much.. really very much..

Short flashbacks

short flashbacks for now. rushing for time..

Saturday, 15th may 2oo4
I knew it. I got the buffet counter job. and everything was so fo0ked up. my manager kept eyeing me, scolding me. I can’t stand her! she's nagging like my mum! she accuses me! I had to wash and sweep the floor. I wash already, people walk past and dirty it. she claimed I didn’t sweep! I sweep the floor, my colleague push the chairs in to wash and littered along the way. she claimed I didn’t sweep properly! b*tch.

Sunday, 16th may 2oo4
went out with mum and sis. bought 3 sleeveless. oh yea. lol.

Tuesday, 18th may 2oo4
our first month! =D had a great time with him. he's so cute.

Wednesday, 19th may 2oo4
oh gosh.. he told me he went to the hospital in the morning cos he had gastric pain. man! I was so worried! he promised to go to band but I didn’t really force him to keep his promise cos he aint feeling well. he went cos he said he wanted to. I can see the change in him. =D alumni practice! oh yea! man, scolded by ms Chan. =P we weren’t concentrating well for Godzilla Eats Las Vegas cos there were some screaming and shouting parts. we were too shy to do it and she got frustrated. =//

I’m lovin' it! I simply love music. it rox my world!

today, 20th may 2oo4
working @ five. feeling really bored. I hate working over there now. all my fo0ked up managers and as*hole Michelle. arghs. this also means I can’t talk to him at night already. Seoul garden jurong point sucks! =x I’m gonna find another job when school opens. hopefully two weeks after school opens. cos I need to get used to school and that my mum said it'd be a good time cos many poly students would quit their job by then. (=

Cashier galore!

hohoho. here I am, updating another entry once again. have been really tired nowadays. oh well, I’m glad I didn’t get the buffet counter work for yesterday afternoon and the night before. haha. I have yet to learn how to deal with the buffet counter though I’ve been in Seoul garden for 3 months plus already. =P

all of my other colleagues hate that job. cos they said it’s very tiring and tough. I’ve yet to experience that. oh wait, don’t tell me my manager's gonna let me learn that tonight.. oh man.

instead, I was the cashier for both days. hahaaa. I love being a cashier. it’s the easiest and fun task! some of my colleagues hate it cos they had lost money before, and had to top it up themselves. I did too.. but it was a mere 80cents. it wasn’t my own human error. but that the cash register lack of one buck. I didn’t inform my manager, so I had to lose in the end. I’m glad it wasn’t a huge lump or sum. =P

the night before, I had an excess of 3 bucks plus. my colleague said I cheat the customer of their money but oh please, I didn’t! -.-!! of all the times I’ve been cashier, I would say, I’ve never lost any money before. it’s either too much of an excess =P or just nice. how lucky I’ve been huh? lols!

yesterday the total amount was just nice and I was shocked. cos I remembered I collected a wrong sum of money from the customer, a lack of 15cents. its small yea.. but in the end the total amount was just right. haaa. miracles. =x

I’m glad band's resuming next Wednesday, well, at least I’ll have valid reasons to why I’m seen in school. *sniggers* and so very glad I’m gonna have to attend alumni practices on Wednesday and Saturday starting next week. it’s so nice, ya know. and yes, concert's coming soon. on top of it, my laptop's gonna be here even sooner! oh yea! a whole lot of privacy I’ll earn!

at least my sis wouldn’t be able to show my mum the pictures I took with him. I can take pictures with him then. and save it in my own laptop. =)

lol. I’ve got nothing much to write already. *tada~

Sweet day

had a terribly wonderful day with him yesterday. (= he actually spent his whole afternoon with me. our destination was City Hall and we shopped at Raffles City, Citylink Mall, Marina Square, Esplanade, Bras Basar then to Parco Bugis. oh wow. we spent like 6 hours doing that. looked at stuff at Raffles City then to Citylink Mall. gawd dammit we were confronted by a guy who claimed to be Michael and he actually urges us to purchase de kinda donation tickets. there goes 6 bucks. I should have lied saying that we don’t have any cash with us and should have sarcastically asked if he accept Nets. whatever, but that's gonna be my next trick. =P

ate at Marina Square and then went to the roof terrance at Esplanade. it was so nice, warm though. so I took him to the Esplanade library. the nicest thing happened over there. he found the Guinness World Record Book 2oo4 and we sat down together and read. it was so nice. haaa. and we actually found out the longest kiss lasted for 30 hours. that's like -.-!! who would have spent the whole day kissing without eating, drinking or sleeping?! there was even the biggest breast, biggest bra and largest waist! -.- largest waist was like 3m plus plus. can you imagine?!

went to bras basar cos we had nowhere to go and then he suggested looking for Beach Road. instead, we walked to Parco Bugis. we were rushing for time so we just took the mrt back to Chinese Garden. in the mrt, we met someone we knew. haaa. -.-

to sum it all up, he dressed very nice and very cool yesterday. as usual, he was in this extremely too big yellow blouse and a yellow tee inside, with long pants, the orange shoes I like and a green cap. so cute, so cool and nice. =D

I’m so glad my mum didn’t really talk to me about him. though once in a while she'll still say she objects it. I guess I’ve been very clever to set my handphone to silent mode and every time he calls, I’ll walk to my room as if I want to do something else in my room. and yesterday, I did that so I had to act as if I’m not on the phone. I lay on my sister's bed with a book and talking to him on the phone. my mum opened the door, asked me some questions and then closed the door. she didn’t suspect anything. hahaaa. ^.^

An angel

I feel good today.

met him today during my break and was really very happy. time was short but I cherished it. it’s been a week since we last met. I miss him loads.

meanwhile, I feel really good cos I finally have someone to listen to my woes. it’s unexpected, cos that person turns out to be one of the outlet managers. she seemed nice. we talked a bit at first but I felt a little awkward cos I’ve never talked to any of my outlet managers like a friend. that was who she seemed to me. she's like a friend, someone who's there to listen to my unhappiness about work.

I told her about the bloody fellow, Michelle, and she listened attentively. she'd let me speak and then later voice out her views. more surprise, she turned out to really dislike Michelle too. it’s pretty shocking when I later found out she, like me, don’t like veggies. haha.

I like her compliments. it was the third time I see her today. I remembered clearly the first time I met her was when she was observing the things going on at Seoul Garden. later, she introduced herself to me and actually asked me to ask for feedbacks from customers about the drinks. I was like 'oh my gawd' but I did it. she then complimented saying that I’ve got a nice smile and that I should be giving customer service.

today, she said the same thing to me again. =D sadly, I don’t think I’d be fitted in that position. I’m not even appreciated in Seoul Garden. and I heard that they're gonna hire a permanent cashier cum customer service worker. ahs, whatever. they wouldn’t like me, anyway.

as I talked to her about my unhappiness, tears start to appear in my eyes. I guess she can really feel how unhappy I am. she said Michelle didn’t even have a pint of respect for her. cos we've gotta greet other outlet managers if they came to visit. she also see that my managers have been biased towards Michelle. and that it’s really ridiculous when Michelle can actually go over and see what's happening at the staff table whereas we can’t. our managers would scold us for that. ahs, whatever.

well, not to beat around the bush, she's actually the manager from Brekz and Seoul Garden Marina Square. we address her as ma'am Winnie. and I love her. she was into teaching me how to actually serve the customers but of cos it wasn’t any formal training. but she's nice. she had asked me to request to learn customer service but I figured if I were to ask, I wouldn’t be chosen, anyway.

and as I was talking to her, I feel like telling her "can you attach me to your outlet? I can’t really take it working in here. everything is so F-ed up. I wanna feel appreciated." I don’t really mind if I were to wake up early just to be at Marina Square to start work, and I don’t mind if I were to pay extra for the transport fees. I wanna feel appreciated.

perhaps I’d tell her that the next time I see her. I don’t know when will that be, but I hope it’s gonna be soon. (=

with hopes and dreams, I’ll end here. =D

It's ruining me!

I CANT STAND IT!

why is my mother so paranoid about it? if its cos of religion, maybe I still can accept it.. but it’s also cos of the age that she doesn’t accept it? its so correct when the first episode of double happiness in which situ yaxi asked her mum why is it so that a guy can fall in love with a girl 10 years younger than him and cant a girl like a guy 10 years younger than her? why is the society so narrow-minded?

maybe it’s not the society that's narrow-minded.. but of all people, why my mum? I’ve got this major feeling inside of me which also tells me she wants her face. she dare not face her friends or relatives if this were to spread. but why?

she's getting too much.. I betcha everyone out there can’t stand such a mother. if she's only threatening to talk to his parents, that's not as bad after all. well, his parents doesn’t mind it, anyway. but to think she's up to the state into claiming he might have chanted some curse into his jersey, made me wear it, and made me fall in love with him! wtf!

can you actually stand such a mother? I can’t!

luckily, she's not depriving me of going out. I’m actually quite surprised when she still actually let me go out. NOT that I want her to shut me indoors lah, but that's what parents usually do when they want their children to learn.

it’s especially irritating when she stares at me when I have an incoming call. she would stare and stare without saying a word. and if she realizes I’m speaking ONLY English, she'll start all the nagging all over again! shits! even before she sleeps, she would check on me, whether I’m talking on the phone or not. just yesterday, when my sisters were quarrelling, I predicted she would come out of her bedroom, though she's in the middle of her sleep. and probably she would pass by my room to check if I’m talking to him on the phone, perhaps giving the same stare all over again. she did.

now I’m like controlling my tears every night. why must my mother give me the mental torture? she's even ransacking my stuff without my permission, probably even reading my school organizer and my stuff. she's invading into my privacy. I can actually see the difference in her. she used to trust me totally. she wouldn’t ransack my stuff like she did to all my siblings. she knows I’d behave myself. she trust me completely. the trust is now broken. all because she's objecting me and him!

it’s not like I’ve been sleeping with him and stuff. we do things like any normal couple would, minus off the sex part, of cos.

I knew age would be a problem. I knew my mum would object. but I definitely didn’t know she'd go crazy up to this stage! her actions and words are tormenting me! sometimes I just wish I could jump down from my house, cut my wrist, having her disown me, or maybe even running away from home..

according to what happened on Monday, I realized she actually decreased her nagging just cos she didn’t find me talking to him on the phone. yea, he was busy and only called me after ten, which was when my mum's already asleep. I think this could be a solution. maybe I should get him to call me only after my mum's sleeping time or when I’m outside at night, so probably she wouldn’t nag that much.

sighs, I don’t know what'd happen in the future..

Nothing much

here. I’m glad things are sorted out. I confronted him already. things are turning better. I’m glad.

yesterday was another hectic day. reservations for groups of 6, 8 or 11 were made. about 6 or more reservations in total. and a waiting list which is full. customers stopped coming in at about 8 plus and so I started stoving out. oh man, that was the side work I really hate.

hahaa. but I guess I’m starting to love it. cos I used the lazy way which Marcus previously taught me.. using the trolley. =P. so things were much much easier, and I don’t feel tired at all.

the last batch of customers came at 9.20, gawd, that was really late! usually when customers hear that the buffet counter is closing at 9.45, they wouldn’t wanna dine in.. who knows! some more it was a bunch of 8 people.

it was kinda a blessing in disguise cos they were really kiasu and didn’t wanna lose out so they took a lot of food. leftovers were, of cos, inevitable. they finally leave the place at 10 plus and my manager was like saying we can barbecue the leftovers. we thought she was joking.. but she was serious about it. sound pretty unappealing to all of you but hey, it’s quite a good deal you know! lols.

anyway, I’ve made a first deal with Mr. Lim..! he's so supportive! he knew I’m gonna promote stuff to him and he didn’t really reject me at all! though it’s only a small pillow pad he bought, but I’m really grateful! he's been real kind.. I remember when I asked him to help me take photos of the whole band and I thought he might say no cos it'd be unfair.. who knows he helped me loads! I had like.. a few pictures of the whole band.. he even helped me burn the nice pictures he took! he's so nice! =).

hmm.. that’s all folks!

Feeling neglected

somehow I feel neglected. but I don’t wanna say out.

I feel everything is so strange.. sighs. I don’t tell him, cos I don’t want him to worry and I want a healthy relationship..

I’m devoting majority of my time to him, though I have work too.. but he can’t seem to devote his time to me? I don’t know. absence do make the heart fonder.. but it keeps me miserable, too.

I know I’ve gotta be understanding cos he has his school stuff and his friends going on for him.. but.. I can’t help but feel he's spending more time with his friends than me. I simply don’t understand why he can go out with his friends.. but not me. =//.

I’ve prioritized my stuff, and of cos he's my first priority. it seems like.. I’ve been the one who keeps asking him to go out.. rather than him.. why?

now I understand the problems that will go on in a relationship but it’s the faith and trust which keeps going on.

but.. I still don’t understand why things is going on this track.

he doesn’t know this inner side of me, cos I didn’t want to share.. I don’t want him to worry.

I don’t wanna feel neglected.

Fear in me

I guess I’ve been thinking too much. He hasn’t changed perhaps just that he didn’t feel like talking on the phone.

I just told him he can feel free to say any girls cute or whatever and I won’t get angry but I guess he's doing too far. As usual, my only fear.. My sister.

I don’t understand. Is her voice cute? My god, everyone seemed to say that. I know I’m bad but I just wanna say she's a vain pot. She just wants to get to know people from my band, or should I say GUYS only. I've never even bothered about her band stuff.

Now it seems like Wei Wen, Jun Wei, Adam, Zameer, Ali, Kang Wei know her and she's feeling great? And just then, he asked if she's single and stuff. Man, did it break my heart.

I know if he's true he won’t stray but I can’t help but feel scared. Cos I know my sis. When she sees cute guys, or maybe her guy friends or mine, she'll act cute. Well, in the sense to attract them. She’s done it again..

Why did I have to suffer with such sis? I can take it no more..

Does anyone ever understand the fear I have in me? ='(

Last Saturday night I cried over the phone telling Ali my fears. today, I’m crying to myself.. why must this happen?

=)

Hmm, it’s been some time since I last updated already. Well, still kinda pissed off with work. It’s like, on Friday, Harlis was supposed to work full but was attached to CWP cos they need a Muslim there. At night, they need him there too, so we lack of a worker. I was supposed to work morning only but my manager asked me to work at night too to replace Harris. I said NO cos I’ve got something on.Shee said then I’ve gotta find a replacement. WHAT THE.. It’s not like it’s in my schedule and I have to work rite. Whatever.

So I got Caroline to replace. And then my manager asked me to replace her on Sunday, which is today, in return. I was like.. What the fo0k. I’ve got something on too. I got Gains to replace me but he can only make it at 7. So my manager made a fuss about it. I lied saying I’m sick, and she demanded an MC. What the. I’ve got a feeling that maybe I would get terminated.. =//.

Sighs, everything's changed. The nicer manager had turned evil. =//.

Time to update my love life. =D. I’m so loved.. By him. =). Felt so glad that he came into my life. He’s simply so sweet. I was like saying if he wants to pick up from work on Friday, he could. I didn’t really expect that much, cos I know he's to be home early.. But.. He did. I was so touched. On Wednesday, he went to Jurong point, to see me work. I’m touched.. Again.

Today, he kinda sneaked out from home, to meet me. =). Time was short, but I cherished everything. I love him more than ever. I’m so touched.

I got his jersey; it’s full of his smell, a bear of love; to remind us of the special eighteen of April, and a light bulb with decorations on it; cos I love light bulbs. He’s having 2 'projects' coming up for me.. Or should I say surprises? Though I’ve gotta wait till his exams are over, but.. I know hospital got patients. heeeheee.

He also 'ying mo duo duo' one. He’s simply so irresistible. I’m also gonna have something for him... thou it havent start. For my special someone: if I’d a second chance, I would still choose you. <3 ya!

She's NOT my best friend

Attention everyone! I shall now announce that Michelle is NOT my best friend. Who needs a backstabber for a best friend? I don’t need it!

At least now I know why I’ve been given little hours in Seoul Garden already. Well, all thanks to her. I wasn’t very sure if she's the one who's been bad-mouthing me in front of the manager but now I can guarantee she's behind all this! FREAKING FRIEND I have.

Okay, so maybe she thinks she's great. Too bad everyone hates her. MUAHAHA. Take yesterday for example, she made a huge fuss just cos she CANNOT see the 4-seater table which has not been stoved out. Uh-huh, and there she goes: SHAN! Which tables not yet stove out? She made it sound like she's some new manager. It’s her eye problem that she can’t see the table which has not been stoved out.

Hidayah is one of my band's ex-member, which I heard she's from saxophone. And yesterday, I was catching up things with her at the counter and got to find out she's actually from clarinet. I was talking to her about past stuff while waiting for the customer to foot the bill. I remembered the order of soup base but just wanted to confirm and so I asked Michelle. AGAIN, she shouted: ginseng chicken! I told you already! Still stand there and talk! fo0k! Bloody asshole. o0ps.

So what if she has half a month more experience than me? So WHAT? fo0k the bloody Michelle. Now I hate her. Well, I’m in the club! =D.

Again, I wanna say Michelle is NOT my best friend!

Hmm, all that for my unhappiness with her. Today I’m going to meet him. =). Been looking forward to that, missed him terribly..

18/04/04

He: "I wish I could stay with you forever."

awww... so sweet. =D.

^.^ or ~.~?

How did I fall in love with you?
Falling so hard so fast this time.
What did I say? What did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
Didn’t know why I just felt like writing all this now. Its like, I know we're into one another; we say sweet things over the phone, our messages for each other are just so sweet and we're thinking about one another each time. It’s all happening so sweetly. But things are like not really serious. I mean, with all these you might think it’s nice. Yes, it is. But we're just related as friends.

None of us pop the question; or should I say he didn’t want to pop the question. It would be nice being attached to him, but maybe the thought of the break-up word when the feeling fades or whatever is really hurting. Maybe what we're now is better than being attached to one another.

But I still want to be related to him.

Still, we're only at the stage of talking on the phone. I, or maybe we, is/are shy to communicate with one another in the open.

Now I’m making things sound rather sad.

I should be glad we've been talking on the phone almost everyday for like, months, and never really got bored with one another.

I guess my feelings for him started right from the beginning. Right from the day he told me he's fallen in love with someone else. Jealousy arose. But at that point of time I didn’t want my feelings to be so obvious. I told myself its nothing. Who knows I’m in it now..

Maybe I shouldn’t bother too much about such stuff and be contented with what I have now.

Still, I want more.

[edit] this entry is kinda ironic. Or maybe it’s supposed to be like that? [/edit]

What's happening?

Don’t understand. Really don’t understand. What’s happening? Since the day I’ve stepped into Seoul Garden, things have changed. I was really enthusiastic about working there, and now? All the enthusiasium (did I spell correctly?) in me has gone... totally gone. I’ve lost my interest already.

First things first. I’m lowly regarded there. Since I’m like the insignificant worker in there, why work so hard? For goodness sake I’m free almost everyday and my working hours are like, only TEN hours per week? Man, how much can I earn?! If this goes on, every month I can only earn $180. Man, in one year I’ll get $2160. That’s more than enough for my school fees. But what about my expenses? Oh, am I supposed to go to school everyday with what I always wear?

Okay, I’m being a little sarcastic here cos I really can’t stand it! Since I’ve been working there, Fabian, Dennis, Melissa, Ann, Bryan, Marcus, Belle, Martin, the list goes on, have been either terminated or resign! Man, that's like so many people. Since then we only succeed in recruiting two more new people! Furthermore, I know Mark, Steve, Harlis, Nora and even I, and yes, ME, are looking for another part time job! I heard two more are resigning.

HAHAHA. I’m a little evil today. So Seoul Garden is gonna have Michelle, Naz, Alvin bla bla to handle. They’ll suffer. I make sure. Michelle is gonna earn bucks like hell. In fact, no one likes her at all. Everyone’s talking about her. And SHE is talking about everyone else! Except that she's talking about us in front of the managers. BIG sial. What can we do? Manager’s pet mah!

Okay, so usually when I write my own blog I won’t even bother to use singlish. Oh man, I just wanna add more sarcastic effects!

Fun fun people have gone, are going to go, and will not come back. Haaa. So maybe I should leave ASAP too. Its either I’ll work for the full 4 months and then resign in a "having more face" way or I’ll get terminated. See how long more I can "tahan" in there lah. And man, I’m only into my 3rd month!

Last but not least, I wish Seoul Garden JP good luck! Last time it used to be Seoul Garden CWP needs workers from Seoul Garden JP and I can see that in future, it’s the other way round! MUAHAHAHAAA.

Hectic day

shucks. my tagboard and layout having problem. -.- my tagboard just seemed to have endless errors and the picture in my previous layout just can’t seemed to load. so, I’ve changed to this better blogskin. it’s nicer and I love it. cos it’s a combination of tigger and orange. my favourites. (=

yesterday was a hectic and tiring day. it was Mother's Day. of cos, there were many customers. two full waiting lists, imagine that. luckily, we managed to finish everything by 11. it was quite late already. as now they changed a new system. the auntie gotta "steam" the stoves before we're able to stove in. that took up alot of time.

I felt glad cos I’m able to meet him just before work starts. he's getting loads of health problems nowadays.. like stomachache, back ache etc.. I’m worried. he's so stubborn.. he doesn’t want to see the doctor. but he's still so sweet lah.

haha. and Michelle got her retribution. lols. cos we're supposed to pre bus the tables when the customers are eating desserts. meaning we have to clear everything on the table. and she was helping me to clear the table which is full of bowls and plates. she plates the fork with a watermelon into the soup.. the customer got angry and said "hey! I still want that!" she was shocked and took out the fork. then the customer said "forget it! you think what?! watermelon soup?!" I felt a little triumph in my heart. it’s especially obvious the customer was really angry cos when he had questions, he only turned to me and ask. HAHA.

my plan which I wrote in my previous blog kinda worked. haaa. I’ve been talking on the phone, as usual, alot with him.. but my mum didn’t really catch me on the phone. guess it’s also my skills. I hid the phone terrifically you wouldn’t know whether I’m speaking on the phone not. hehe. I’m a genius.

guess I’ve gotta start a new tagboard. -.-

Kinda tired

Have been writing people testimonials since the afternoon. Left out a few cos I don’t know them well. Kinda tired.. Rotted my day away. One day wasted. And then tonight is gonna be tv time for me! Lols.

I don’t understand why nowadays I’m getting more and more short-tempered. Its like, anything my mother says simply freaks me out! I mean, I’ll just like, feel irritated and answer her unhappily. Why? I just don’t understand why.

Now I kinda hate the long term holidays. At first I felt really shiok. But since then I’ve been troubling with lots of stuff. Now I understand why work sucks and school rules. It’s definitely true when people say we don’t know how to cherish the things we have until we lose it.. I want school!

Well, at least I know I won’t get all the naggings from my mother cos by the time I’m back, all household chores are done and there's nothing my mother can nag me. Unless my table gets too untidy..

I can’t stand the long term holidays! Freedom is one thing.. The thing is, I just keep eating and eating.. You know the thing girls hate.. Which is to put on weight! Or to look fatter. Grr. girls just have so many things to worry about!! =//.

*screams* whatever. I just have to take things one at a time.. =//.

Bookworm

Hmm, guess I’m kinda a bookworm nowadays. What to do? I’ve got very little working hours and I can only rot around at home ya know. Borrowed Leap of Faith by Danielle Steel on mon. finished reading it on Tuesday. And yesterday, I finished reading Fruits Basket comic. Simply a bookworm.

Yesterday, I borrowed 3 more books by Danielle Steel. And am gonna get a dozen comics from my colleague either today or tomorrow. If only I have this reading habit last year. Then maybe I still can manage an A2 in my English. =P. I’m thinking too much. Lols.

Things are still getting out-of-hand. Am I being a paranoid? Am I thinking too much? I hope so. =//.

"Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours"

Maybe I should carry that kinda feeling with me rather than hoping too much. There’s such quote in Chinese: "the more you hope for, the more disappointment you'll get". =//.

Fun @ Seoul Garden

Hmm, went to dine in @ Seoul Garden with Peng, Silvirin, Zi Qian, Shu Chen and Shu Mei. Certainly had fun. When we met up with each other, Shu Mei and Shu Chen said they wanna go withdraw money.. Who knows in the end they gave a call to Peng and said they wanna go elsewhere before coming back. That time was about 4 plus and they said they'll be back @ 7!

Needless to say, we continued with our meal. We paid for them too. Even when we had finished our meal, after eating deserts too, They weren't back! There was Caroline who's working. Well, she's deaf and mute. As I'm working there, i know we had to clear the table when the customers are eating their deserts. I was so afraid she'd clear up since its hard to communicate with her. who knows.. she really did! -.-"

after that, i thought of a plan, which is to trick Shu Mei and Shu Chen that cos of them we didn't even touch anything. Which is trying to make them feel guilty la. Hoho. Our plan worked! Mark is really nice, man! I was thinking if he might feel I'm a lil irritating and troublesome but he said it's okay. Cos I had asked him to clear the table completely and set up to look as though we really didn't start anything.

When they finally arrived. We were like "Eh, we hungry till we can't walk. you two serve us." They really did, of cos. But when we see them takin quite a lot of food, We were like "Oh no oh no" Cos we really can't fit anymore things in our stomach! And then I told them the truth but they feel nothing at all! The triumph part was when they really believed us but the bad part was they don't feel guilty at all.

Okay. This entry is getting a lil lame. After we finally finished eating, we played a game in which the loser have to drink half a cup of water. Luck wasnt on my side today. I lost 3 times! Grrr! I was feeling really bloated and really wanna vomit. But I seriously don't know how to vomit =X I tried that in the toilet, but to no avail. When I was trying, tears welled up in my eyes. Man, I was feeling really bad.

Wadever it is, things are really nice. Cos its like a lil gathering for all of us and it's been centuries since we last had a meal together like this. And anyway, we stayed in the resturant almost up to 6 hours! One of my colleagues who ain't working today went in and extra a lil while trying to join us. He could, ya know, we paid for two other people who's coming later. And at night when he saw me again, he was like.. "Wah lao! you stay since just now ar?" And I said "ya" and he went -.-!! LOL.

I blame myself

I guess things are getting out of hand. Everything in my life is in a mess now. I’m feeling very moody nowadays.. I don’t show it out at all.

Sometimes I really blame myself for graduating school so early. It’s like, I feel very lonely now. I can’t get along well with my peers as compared to how well I can get along with my juniors but you certainly don’t expect me to be back in school 24-7 right. The only companions I have are my home and my workplace.. I really feel very lonely. I have means of contacts with my friends too. But not all of them are free 24-7. Sighs.

Even if it’s like I talk to him on the phone almost like everyday except for nights when I'm working but I still feel his absence in my heart.. We live very close to each other.. But in heart we're far away. And it’s like we're only communicating through phone.. Not even like meet up and stuff like that.. Why?

I go to work feeling really stressful cos I don’t have many hours per week. I still have to pay for my school fees ya know. What can I say? BIASED is the word. I hate my managers for being BIASED! I mean.. Real biased! Just cos they get free labour from one of my colleagues means they have to give her most of the working time HUH? It's like her free labour is NOT even like free labour. I hate it! There’re jobs available but I also have to think about my transport fees.. I mean.. The job available is in Bugis.. So far!

So many things in my life! And I can only pour out everything here.. Some more the feelings in me can’t be put into words you know. I’m still so young.. Barely even 17. Recently I heard from my oldest brother he paid for his own school fees when he was in poly too. BUT, he was 21 at that time! For goodness sake! He was an adult at that time already! Sighs. The most fortunate one is my older sister. She just have to enroll into a school and have her fees paid by my mother. She’s too dependent on my mother. She’ll just sit around and wait for money only. This is not because of bias. This is because my mother felt she owed it to her.. Bullshit! =(. Sighs.

Before I end, do add something in my Tagboard which is in my "going & going" section. talk about anything.. make me happy. =).

Why?

I don't understand a thing! Why is my mother restricting me from hanging out with malay guys? What's wrong? She doesn't forbide me from talking to them on the phone but she keeps nagging saying iI should refrain from talking too much to them.. WHY?

She's already in the verge of digging out my savings from my bank account, and now she wants to dig out my freedom of making friends! Worse still.. I'm in love with a malay guy! What's wrong with malay guys? I have tons of malay guy friends in school and even my workplace.. Just what's wrong with them? She claims it's for my OWN good but I think she's wrong! She's just trying to make my life miserable! Why can't my mother be more open-minded? Why does the old-fashioned thought still clinging onto her? WHY?

Firstly, I think she still forbides me into having a relationship.. And now she doesn't want me to get into any relationship with a malay guy! Grrr. I don't understand why. I'm lucky to be born in this world.. But am unlucky to have such narrow-minded mum.. Sighs! I dare to say I have really good malay guy friends like Ali and Zameer, and I really cherish them! She just don't understand!

Strange Dreams

Nowadays I have very strange dreams. Yet all these dreams seemed to have the same theme: im gonna lose someone.. Is it true? I don't know..

The first dream was about my idol, Jay Chou. he had promised me earlier he would sign an autograph for me, but left without saying a word. Of cos i was devastated..

The next dream was seriously very strange. It all happened when I eavesdropped a group of people talking about their plan for something really bad. I sneaked away in my bicycle but they tracked me down eventually. One of them had a gun and out of anger, he shot us randomly.. Only my brother got shot and was sent to the hospital.. Again, it's like I'm gonna lose somebody..

I'm feeling so sad. For fear that I would lose someone I cherish alot.. =//. Today there's gonna be alumni. Hopefully it'll be fun as it always is. =) At least music keeps my troubles away from me temporary..

I'm having lesser and lesser working hours nowadays.. If this goes on, I would have to suffer real hard. Cos my salary isn't gonna be high anymore.. =( My highest barely even reached 500 bucks. Grrr. I think I better find another part-time job to seek for security. It's not that I'm lazy so I get lil hours.. It's cos there's this girl who's on attachment from Indonesia and she have to work for 54 hours week. Worst still, she's not that good and does things slowly. And she's gonna be here for 6 months!

Kids =D

I had a fun day today! Haaa. Also cos of who I'm working with. I'ts Harlis! Fun man. Especially when I'm workin morning shift. Normally we don't have much customers so we can joke and play around today. It's nice!

There was this malay group of customers with 4 really cute kids. Two of them were like so happy running towards the cushion seats and then crawled to the end. It's really damn cartoon cos it's like they're wearing nappies and you know how big their bum looked like and having them crawling in utimate speed, shaking their bums like hell. They felt a sense of satisfaction after that and were like so happy.. Kids nowadays. Haaa. And then there was this youngest baby who was running and I happened to walk past him. And suddenly it's like he bumped into me and hugged my legs. Cute right? That's why its like so fun and nice today! Kids are still the cute little beings who'll light up our days with any stupid things they're doing =)

April Fools' Day

Happy april fools day! Havent fooled anyone yet cos I have not stepped out of my house since morning. Hopefully I'll be able to trick people during work. Haha. Today is really a bad day for me.. Its like, I got screwed by my manager. She's the nicest of all and to think that she actually screwed me means I did something really bad. But I know I didnt. Just that I'm always very cheeky and tease her. She knows I dont mean it.. =/.

The next thing is, my mother's gonna dig out money from my bank account.. My hard-earned money. She said she'll transfer 1k to her account in order to pay for my school fees. Last time she told me she's gonna use the money in my account for my school fees if we're financially tight. I know the situation now.. But I'm still not ready for that. It's all my hard-earned money; my blood and my sweat.. It all accumulates from the bursaries I've gotten by studying real hard, and my pay for one and a half month.. I'm seriously not ready for that.. I wish I could tell her how much I don't wanna use the money in my account.. I wish I have my account book in my hands.. But I know all these will lead to continuous naggings from her.. sighs. I've never even take out any money from my wages to spend it for myself.. I just wanna keep it safe in my account. Even before I can spend any money on myself.. I have to spend it on my school fees.. Help me.. =(.